


buy me your love (no returns)

by phanstarlight



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Jihoon is a struggling college student, Jinyoung is the embodiment of all things good, M/M, Slow Burn, bad gift choices, other idols show up, the thought is there though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 22:05:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 33,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13645362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanstarlight/pseuds/phanstarlight
Summary: ❝park jihoon had seen many things during his part-time job at the convenience store.that being said, he'd never dealt with a person like this. or a present like this, for that matter.❞↳ bae jinyoung is a boy with bad gift choices and jihoon is done with life (and feelings.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i felt deprived of winkdeep so here we are with a non-idol au
> 
> whoosh

☆

park jihoon had seen many things during his part-time job at the convenience store. he'd witnessed a gang of old women bunching together to buy the entire liquor section, a child buying a single straw and even witnessed his own teacher buy a vape just to see all the fuss about it (which now results in very, very awkward glances during homeroom.)

so many people came here to buy last minute presents too; jihoon was used to it.

that being said, he'd never dealt with a person like this. or a present like this, for that matter.

the person in question had slammed down a " _bathe and brew_ " set onto the scanner, giving jihoon a look full of nerves and confidence all in one. jihoon could only stare at the boy in purest confusion because what kind of purchase was this meant to be? who rolls up to the convenience store at asscrack o'clock to buy a bath a brew set?

the boy looked to be around jihoon's age, with black bangs almost covering his shameful expression; he was dressed way too casually for this exchange. jihoon couldn't believe his eyes.

"uh..." the boy suddenly drawled out, giving jihoon a look of uncertainty, "you've been staring at me for a while." ah, so he had.

"sorry," jihoon mumbled, preparing to scan the item, "i was just shocked, nobody ever buys these things y'know?" it was true too, his manager was ready to throw in the towel and store them away in the back. for some reason he hadn't, though every time jihoon saw it in the corner of his eye, he really wished he did.

"oh, right..." bathe and brew boy began to blush all of a sudden, "it's a present for my crush, actually..."

jihoon had to stop scanning.

scanner in hand, jihoon slowly began to look back up at the boy. ever since he got this damned job, he'd promised to always show the customers a smile, even if they were shitty beyond comprehension (which happened a lot, unfortunately.) he would usually plaster on a fake smile, paired with that high-pitched sing songy voice and try to melt away their bitterness. he would never jeopardize his source of income like that.

that didn't stop him giving this boy a look that could only be described as pure disgust.

"you're buying this for your _crush?"_ he repeated, making sure he heard the other boy correctly.

"yeah, i thought she'd like it."

that poor girl doesn't know what she's in for, he thought scanning the item.

truly, who would buy their crush, the apple of their momentary eye, a fucking bathe and brew set? what does that say about the buyer? then again, what does that say about his crush? did she mention wanting to brew tea in the bath? is that what the youths are into these days? what the literal fuck is wrong with-

"um," oh fuck, the boy was talking again, "you're spacing out..."

"i realise that." he stated. the other boy gave him an odd look (which he _was_ undeserving of!) before shrugging it off.

"i just need it kinda quickly," he started, gesturing to the item, "i plan to give it to her on monday when i confess!"

"you're confessing with _this?_ " jihoon could no longer hide the disgust in his voice. the black haired teen blinked at him and, to his surprise, had the audacity to look shocked at his disgust.

"i'm pretty sure this is what girls are into these days," he stated, proud grin taking over the previous shock, "just watch, she'll love it!"

jihoon felt nothing but compassion for this boy's crush.

"...whatever, that'll be $35.63." he just had to accept that this boy was doomed. said boy handed him the money, still with that stupid grin on his face.

"thanks dude, i'll definitely get her with this!" he called, before scurrying out of the shop.

jihoon watched him leave and sighed.

he was ready to bet that it'd take at least a day for this boy's crush to show up with the receipt in hand.

☆

did the girl end up coming back around? surprisingly enough, no.

however, the boy returned.

around 3 weeks later, the same not bounded into the convenience store, clearly having just left school. jihoon studied his uniform briefly, realising he must be from the posh high school up the road. for some reason, that didn't surprise him that much.

the boy looked around the shop for a few minutes before lining up at the till; jihoon already felt somewhat scared already.

"thank you for your purchase, have a nice day ma'am!" jihoon called, waving goodbye to the polite old lady. she'd nearly bought up the entirety of their toffee stock but she never failed to make jihoon's day that bit brighter.

"welcome back," he sighed to the boy, happening to be the next in line, "did you come back to woo your poor crush?"

the boy had the audacity to laugh.

it was a pretty laugh though, he noted.

"for your information, she loved the gift!" he snorted, before plopping down something else onto the scanning area, "it's her birthday next week so i got this for her!"

he took one look at it before deciding that this boy was beyond repair.

was he fucking with him? he had to be. nothing's more hilarious then screwing around with the poor college student trying to pay his intuition via a shitty part-time job.

no serious person would genuinely buy a hands-free sandwich holder, for their girlfriend (?) no less.

the boy had no trace of humour in his eyes though: just determination. it was kinda admirable in a way, before jihoon remembered the issue at hand.

"you're getting her _this_  for her birthday?" he voiced, shame plain on his features.

"mhm," unaware, the other continued, "she hates getting crumbs on her hands so voilà!"

he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

it made sense, it really did, but it still begged the question: why this? jihoon clearly remembered being in high school (it was only a year ago, he has to remind himself) and he never thought to buy his crushes or dates anything this awful. the worst thing he'd ever gotten someone was a chocolate set before realising that they were in fact lactose-intolerant. (he apologized to yerim for a whole month straight; he liked to think that was part of the reason for their break-up.)

"you're not fucking with me then, right?" he needed clarification for this because no person could be this bad at gift giving.

"nope, in fact i think this is the best gift i've ever gotten anyone," jihoon repressed the urge to facepalm, "i'm the best boyfriend ever, right?"

jihoon scanned the cursed item, once again feeling the utmost shame for this boy. he put so much thought into it (at least, he seemed to) but they were just so...shitty. maybe his girlfriend was just like him?

that seemed to make a lot of sense actually.

"that'll be $14.99 please." the other boy handed him the money, the same dopey grin stretched onto his face.

"thanks dude, she'll love this one even more!"

before jihoon could respond, the schoolboy was already out of the door.

he really should've addressed the whole 'dude' situation but he was too late. now all he was left to do was sit and wait for his girl to possibly show up. would she return everything, or would she come and buy something equally as bad?

jihoon didn't know.

all of him desired the answer though.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon learns the name of this cursed gift buying teen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a shorter chapter! :D

 ☆

 

it was a whole other month until jihoon saw stupid present boy again.

the clock read 9pm and jihoon was stuck here doing extra hours, taking every moment he had away from scanning items to try and catch up on his schoolwork.

the little bell on the door rang. he didn't look up.

10 minutes later, he was greeted with a voice he hadn't heard in a while.

"hey, i'll be getting this for her today!" the boy was back and jihoon truly did feel scared in that moment. perhaps he'd stepped up his game from before? maybe he was going to buy her chocolates (sorry yerim) or flowers like most teenage boys did?

of course, that wasn't the case.

in fact, he should've known that wouldn't be the fucking case.

when said boy slammed down a jar of "baconnaise" onto the desk, jihoon felt that overwhelming sense of déjà vu take over him again.

"why." was all he could say.

"well," the other started, clearly prepared for this exact question, "she said she loves bacon more than anything and i love mayo so why not buy her something that has both? it's a bit like our relationship!"

jihoon paused briefly to take in his response. to be fair, his reasoning was pretty pure and fairly cute. it was still a shitty present nonetheless, but it was a shitty gift with a less shitty backstory.

"how did she take the last gift then?" he asked, watching the other boy's face light up when he did.

"she loved it!" he began, "she thinks i'm the most thoughtful boyfriend ever."

"really?" jihoon would've snorted at that, but it didn't seem far off from what he gathered from their recent conversation.

"mhm!" he smiled, "i think she'll love this one even more." there was something behind that smile, something innocent. jihoon found himself wanting to protect it for some reason.

this is why working extra hours sucked ass for him.

"that'll be $3, please." he chuckled, accepting the other boy's money.

"thank you again dude!"

"hey, wait!" the younger boy stopped short of the door, blinking in confusion.

"what is it?"

"don't call me dude, i'm older than you!" there, jihoon said it. the ebony haired boy thought about it for a moment before walking back to the cash register.

"what's your name then?" he asked, straight to the point.

"yah, why would i tell you all of a sudden?"

jihoon expected some kind of snarky remark from him because lord knows the sorts of things he'd heard from the other kids his age, but it never came.

"we're practically friends already, aren't we? what's your name?"

that took him off guard. to be honest, jihoon had never thought about whatever the hell relationship they had; what were you meant to call the person who's shown up a few times to buy shitty presents? he'd say a nuisance but this boy wasn't a nuisance at all. he was pretty nice-

hold up.

jihoon didn't know his name either.

"how can you ask me that when i don't know your name?" he rebutalled.

"i asked first," the other boy laughed, "i don't want to keep calling you dude every time i come here."

he thought about it. did the pros out way the cons? telling this boy his name didn't seem like too bad of a thing to do, he didn't seem particularly malicious or ready to google search jihoon's dark actor past (he refused to talk about it.)

but then again, did he really know this boy well enough? at most, he knew: 1) he goes to the school up the road, so probably he's probably well off 2) he had a girlfriend 3) his present choices were less than admirable, but also somewhat sweet. this boy could be a scammer for all he knew! jihoon could tell him, but what would he do with it? this boy could be planning to commit tax fraud with his name! jihoon was already broke enough as it was.

"uh...you ok?" it was then jihoon realised how odd he must've looked, staring off into space and having a mental battle with himself. looking at the other boy, he did seem genuinely concerned.

he certainly didn't look like a tax fraud specialist in disguise.

"...jihoon." he finally uttered out, "my name is park jihoon."

upon hearing this, the other boy gleamed at him. maybe he was planning to commit crime under his name. shit.

"well park jihoon, i'm bae jinyoung!" the boy exclaimed, before rushing out of the store with a cheery, "bye!"

jihoon simply stood in awe for a few seconds before going back to his homework.

the boy with the weird gifts was called bae jinyoung.

now, bae jinyoung knew who he was

that definitely meant that they would end up seeing again, huh.

jihoon mulled over this briefly before the door rang, and he resumed his job.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they become friends and jihoon has his first encounter with the feelings™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos + kind comments! i'm trying to drag myself out of procrastinating this fic still

☆

over the course of the next two months, bae jinyoung showed up frequently to buy presents for his girlfriend. the gifts got even more concerning (harp cleaning spray, a sewing set, oversized sunglasses etc) but more importantly, they ended up becoming closer.

jinyoung talked endlessly about his love: a 16 year old girl called naeun. according to him, she was the love of his life already. he brought her so much presents because he enjoyed seeing her so happier than she'd ever been before; it made jihoon smile to hear that.

he'd learnt that jinyoung was a spur of the moment guy too which, really, made a lot more sense. naeun would talk about something she liked or didn't have and jinyoung would get it for her; at first she insisted that he didn't have to get her anything but now it was routine. it didn't bother jihoon at all, since he was getting the chance to actually become friends with jinyoung.

outside of his love life, jinyoung was the most sarcastic person he'd ever met (eat your heart out, lee daehwi) and wouldn't hesitate to throw his school friends under the bus as he told stories about them. his nose would crinkle when he laughed over jihoon's angsty college stories, laughing even harder when the other would mock pout at him.

of course, jihoon told him about himself too.

he talked about college, the work load which was physically killing him, and the teachers who seemed to have it out for him. in addition, he'd also talk about his friends at college: his best friend park woojin (who he loved, even if he was a little shit 24/7), his childhood friends hyeop and mark, his cursed hyungs daniel and seongwoo, and lastly his youngest friends (or children, as woojin insisted on calling them) lee daehwi and park jisung. jihoon rambled on about them all a lot, but found himself secretly shocked at how interested jinyoung looked when he talked.

that was new to him, he thought.

the both of them kept at their little routine together, chatting away when jihoon had nobody to deal with. he liked their conversations a lot more than he would admit.

naeun was a lucky girl, though maybe less so with the gifts. he hoped she knew how much thought jinyoung put into them still, like he did.

☆

everything was set. jihoon was all ready to finish his stupid shift and run home to stress eat. the day hadn't been too eventful for once, other than daniel visiting with his friend jisung and buying a bathe and brew set for the laughs.

the little bell on the door resonated through the entire shop and jihoon prepared himself for death. this always happened, people coming in right before closing time and not leaving for ages. jihoon took in a deep breath, looking up at the person who had entered.

"hey hyung!" it was jinyoung, god bless, "is your shift over?"

jihoon sighed out in relief before nodding, "i was about to leave."

"good, i'll wait for you then." jinyoung left before jihoon could ask any questions.

out of curiosity, jihoon began hurrying to leave, calling out for the other part-timer to take over him. stepping out of the shop, he saw jinyoung actually was waiting for him.

"what is it?" he asked, trying not to sound too rude. he was just tired, honestly.

"which way do you live?" avoiding the question, the true bae jinyoung lifestyle.

"i walk through the park."

"oh, so do i," jinyoung began walking in that direction, "let's go together!" jihoon didn't exactly have a choice in the matter, but the idea of them walking together didn't sound too bad.

the park was dimly lit but he could still clearly see the small huddles of families and friends alike making their way home. for some reason, jihoon felt his heart warm at that. as he was busy being a complete sap, jinyoung had taken it upon himself to grab at jihoon's wrist as they bounded through the park together.

"why're you grabbing me?"

"because you're too slow," jinyoung hummed to himself, before adding an almost inaudible, "plus, you aren't pulling away or anything." it was true, he wasn't. this fucking brat.

"you're really something else, bae jinyoung." jihoon huffed. to be fair though, he was used to this by now. his beloved dongsaengs lacked respect too (a certain park jisung, to be exact) so rather than have it bother him, jinyoung's sarcastic attitude calmed him.

they kept at walking for another minute or so before jinyoung's phone receiving a notification stopped them in their tracks. upon hearing his notification tone, jihoon shot jinyoung a look of loathe. he didn't think he could get any worse with his gifts but here bae jinyoung was in all his glory, with the minion siren sound as his notification sound. if it wasn't for his fondness towards him already, jinyoung would be banned from stepping a foot into the little convenience store.

"is it naeun?" he found himself asking as jinyoung stared at the phone chuckling.

"nope, just my school friend," jinyoung thrusted his phone into jihoon's hands, "he sent me this funny meme!"

it was a grumpy cat meme.

bless this boy's heart.

"...it's a good meme."

"i know right?" he laughed, "guanlin always sends me quality memes."

as jinyoung continued laughing, jihoon attempted to give him his phone back, but was stopped.

not by anyone else. just himself. jihoon couldn't do it.

why couldn't he do it, you ask?

he was stuck in awe, of course.

every single clichéd story jihoon had ever read or been forced to watch had led up to this moment. there he was, simply staring as bae jinyoung as the other was too engrossed thinking about grumpy cat. the streetlights were bright enough for him to at least see jinyoung's face and, as you can probably tell, he was mesmerised. there was just something about the way that the light hit jinyoung's features that made the boy look perfect, like something almost ethereal.

"hyung?" jinyoung snapped him out of his trance, eyes full of concern. handing him back his phone, jihoon mumbled a small sorry as they began walking again.

he tried to disregard his earlier feelings about jinyoung but he couldn't. jihoon found his eyes drifting to jinyoung more than usual; his focus on the small things about the boy suddenly increasing and making jihoon feel something like never before. as they both had to separate, jihoon found himself thinking about it even more. it was weird. he thought fondly of jinyoung but something had changed within him during that stroll. jihoon couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was though.

there was no denying though that under that light, jihoon had began to see the other boy in a whole other light because truly, in that moment, bae jinyoung was the most beautiful being he had ever set eyes upon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon's friends, feelings and even more questionable gifts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o, for this chapter (and future reference)
> 
> chan: lee chan (seventeen)  
> changbin: seo changbin (stray kids)  
> mark: mark lee (seventeen)  
> hyeop: kwon hyeop (jihoon's maroo bro)
> 
> daniel is meant to be a year older but he's down™ with the kids so he's in with the '99 squad

☆ 

"hyung, it's me!" jinyoung hollered as he entered the store. offering up a small but caring wave, jihoon went back to helping another customer. he wasn't as invested in it as he should've been though, for he was too busy thinking about jinyoung.

he'd long finished talking when jinyoung rolled up to the counter with his latest gift idea. jihoon took in a deep breath before setting his eyes on the gift.

jesus fucking christ.

no, literally.

he'd placed an _inflatable jesus_ onto the counter.

jihoon could only stare over at the object, shocked that they even sold it in the first place. he'd never seen it before and, truly, this isn't the way he wanted to acknowledge the horrifying thing.

"why." there was no justification for this present at all. no matter how hard jihoon tried to conjure up a theory for this wacky present, the reason never came. he stared at jinyoung expectantly.

"naeun wants to become a nun so voilà!" he cheered, laughter full of innocence. jinyoung then proceeded to chatter on about naeun's "spiritual reawakening" from the other day though jihoon was oblivious to most of it. instead, he was too busy haunted by the damn inflatable prophet to listen clearly. why did they sell this in the first place? what ungodly deed did his manager have to commit to get this atrocity placed in their once homely convenience shop?

"this is nothing short of blasphemy." jihoon thought as he scanned the cursed item.

"that'll be $11.49 please..." jinyoung handed over the money, still high in spirits. his demeanor was a clear contrast to jihoon who was still busy having a mental crisis over this entire purchase.

"thanks hyung, you're the best!" jinyoung grinned, skipping out the store, "bye!"

"b-bye..." he stuttered out.

calming himself down somewhat, jihoon reflected on what'd just happened. jinyoung had come in like usual, sure, but something still felt slightly off. he didn't feel the same as he did before when jinyoung arrived; he used to feel plain happiness and relax. instead of that now though, jihoon found his joy increasing significantly when jinyoung came along. maybe it was because they were closer now? deep down though, he knew that wasn't it at all.

...he would pray for naeun's sake.

☆

"open your fuckin' eyes, jihoon!" that was what jihoon woke up to.

he wasn't sleeping in the middle of lectures.

honest.

"yah, park woojin!" jihoon groaned, still drowsy, "why would you wake me up like that..."

woojin snorted, pulling a limp jihoon out of the lecture hall. this had somehow become their routine: woojin would forcibly drag jihoon out after lectures (because god knows jihoon couldn't do it himself) and to the comfort of their friendship group. said group were already gathered outside and sitting together in front of one of the many oak trees. upon seeing him, they began calling for him.

"jihoon, woojin, over here!" daniel called, waving them over enthusiastically.

jihoon sat down beside his cursed friendship group. there were way too many of them but he wouldn't have it any other way. woojin sat to his left, whilst mark slept on the grass to his right. hyeop and chan were busy arguing over some movie together, whilst changbin was attempting to rush a last minute assignment.

"hey y'all, hows it going?" woojin immediately asked, gaining mixed reactions from the group. daniel and hyeop had both clearly slept on the right side of the bed last night, with their bright and optimistic grins. chan and changbin both looked ready for death, truly. he understood them perfectly.

as the group delved into meaningless conversation, jihoon found himself drifting off into his thoughts. ever since they walked through the park together, jihoon couldn't get his mind off of jinyoung; sometimes it felt like he couldn't go a few minutes without his thoughts turning into jinyoung, one way or another. it was quite stressful, as i'm sure you can imagine, because this feeling was way to sudden for his liking.

in his defense though, jihoon had no idea as to what he was feeling in the first place.

it was as if overnight, someone had replaced all of his coherent and useful thoughts with reminders of jinyoung's smile, and his laugh, and the pout he would make whenever jihoon refused to listen to-

"oi, earth to park jihoon!" said boy was snapped out of his thoughts by chan impatiently waving his hand in front of his face. without realising it, everyone's attention had diverted to him. shit.

"you look stressed," mark spoke up, brow furrowed, "is something on your mind?"

jihoon blinked in momentarily confusion because when the fuck had mark woken up? how hadn't he realised? honestly, he needed to work on not getting so lost in his mind...like he was doing right now.

"it's probably nothing..." bad. never a good way to start a sentence. as mark's look of concern intensified, hyeop decided to talk.

"bullshit, if it's bothering you then it's something, right?" hyeop looked so proud of himself for stating that, bless his heart.

"we won't force you to tell us...yet, at least." woojin winked at him, gaining a nod of agreement from everyone else. jihoon debated on telling them all about his dilemma, he really did, but how was he meant to bring it up?

"i'm having really conflicting feelings about this boy who always rolls up to my shitty part time job. he's cute but he has fuck all sense in gift ideas." that wouldn't go down well with them. knowing his friends though, they would listen to his issue well. sure, they would probably take the piss out of him but in this case, it was worth it. jihoon needed help figuring out whatever the fuck was going on within him and pronto.

sighing, jihoon recounted his entire issue to them, beginning to end (end meaning the present.) he detailed jinyoung entering the store for the first time and buying that horrendous bathe and brew set for his crush (as he told them this, jihoon swore he saw changbin and hyeop share looks of disappointment) and all the other things he'd ever purchased from the convenience store. the weirdest part to describe remained their time in the park where this all started; the day he began to see bae jinyoung in a new light.

a much brighter light than before, one might say.

"sounds rough dude." chan stated after he'd finished talking.

"it really does," daniel sighed overdramatically, "our little jihoonie has fallen in love..."

huh?

jihoon's look of shock at daniel's words quickly turned into an icy glare at how stupid the older boy could be. why would he crush on jinyoung knowing fully well how in love the other was with his girlfriend? qué? che cosa? quelle??? the sheer idea of it was impossible, almost prompting jihoon to laugh.

"i'm not in love dumbass, start thinking harder!' daniel pouted at him, pretending to wipe a tear. jihoon chuckled softly at how cute daniel looked when he fake pouted. it was adorable but not as adorable as bae jinyoung-

he physically swatted the thought away because no! this is what he was trying to prevent! he needed to stop thinking so much about jinyoung and actually figure out why the other kept coming to his mind so often.

"ah, we've got a minute until humanities lectures!" changbin suddenly shouted, springing up quicker than any of them had ever seen.

"shit, really?" this conversation had gone on longer than any of them had realised, but that usually happened with them.

"yes really, let's go!" without another word, hyeop grabbed at changbin and jihoon's arms. he waved a speedy goodbye to everyone else before practically darting off to lecture with the other two poor boys. the run was short but it have jihoon a bit of time to mull over everyone's words.

a crush on bae jinyoung?

no, of course not.

jihoon mentally reminded himself to cross that one off the 'list of reasons why he couldn't get bae jinyoung out of his mind."

☆

"ah, looks like it's that time again." jihoon thought as jinyoung entered the store, bright smile on his face.

"hey jihoon hyung!" the younger boy called, scanning around for yet another item. honestly, with the amount of times jinyoung had bought dumb shit here, you'd think the store was a novelty joke shop; in reality, the manager was just into some kooky shit (it brought jinyoung to him though so who was he to complain?)

jinyoung spent 5 minutes browsing before he'd found naeun's newest gift, his eyes lighting up when he saw it. oosing with confidence, jinyoung strolled up to the counter and placed said item down.

"here it is!' he exclaimed in pure delight.

jihoon knew the drill by now: jinyoung would buy some kind of ridiculous gift and he would criticise it subtly in retaliation. after being presented with the item, jihoon smiled. today was no different than before.

it was a pair of flip flops which, let's all be honest, is already a red flag. that wasn't all there was to them though because lo and behold: they had grass on them.

yes. grass.

well, fake grass. their manager loved stocking random shit but not to that extent. instead, the flip flops were covered in imitation grass, specially designed to keep you comfortable, somehow. jihoon could only stare at the abomination, usual shame clouding his positive image of bae jinyoung by the second. he knew there was some kind of heartwarming backstory to this purchase but honestly? who thinks of buying this? who thinks of manufacturing this kind of crap and then actually selling it? what was the point?!

"..." jihoon couldn't find the words to criticize jinyoung. all the thoughts running through his mind were going past quicker than usual, not allowing him to just pluck one out and finally speak.

"you're wondering why, right?" thankfully, jinyoung understood him well. jihoon nodded meekly, making the other start to recount his story.

"naeun was telling me about her holiday to the countryside and how much she misses it," he began, "especially the fields she would always run through in her spare time."

ah, that's where this was going.

"you see," jinyoung continued, his cheeks reddening slightly, "she talked about how soft the grass was so i thought this would help a bit, y'know?" the explanation wasn't what he was expecting; in fact, it made jihoon feel warmer inside. also unexpected was the slight bitterness he felt at jinyoung's kindness. weird, but he had other things to think about rather than the odd resentment he was harbouring.

"that'll be $25.80 please," jinyoung already had the money out, "you're so creative with your gifts."

"i know!" jinyoung practically beamed, "it's always better to be unique and rememberable, rather than follow the crowd!" to emphasize his point, jinyoung held up the bag containing the grassy sandals.

"mhm, you've certainly got that one covered." the older boy deadpanned, not realising how blunt his words were until they came out. almost immediately came the compelling urge to apologize to jinyoung for his coldness but he soon realised that there was no need.

jinyoung was laughing.

it was a sound jihoon could get used too often.

the thought was instantly brushed away because truly, the only one allowed to have thoughts like that was naeun herself.

"i'll be taking my leave hyung," jinyoung called, skipping out the door, "have fun working your ass off!" even though he was certain jinyoung couldn't see him any longer, jihoon still continued to wave at the door. his day had certainly been made by that interaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! thanks for reading this far! 
> 
> i question my choice of using the dollar system when i'm a complete british but here we are


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon realises the obvious + the appearance of jinyoung's best friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new fic and an update in the same day? this is the most productive i've ever been y'all

☆ 

  
  
with realisations like this, it was inevitable that jihoon would finally have to come to terms with his feelings.

he'd crushed on people before. to name a few: kim yerim (who he'd almost killed), kang mina (they broke up after an episode of oitnb saw their opinions divided), kim sohyun (though, it was more of a fling between them) and yoo yeonjung (it took a week before they decided that they were better off as friends.)

the feeling of like wasn't new to him, rather the absence of it was more foreign than anything. the times his heart would flutter when his crush would look in his general direction, the shy smiles whenever they brushed hands, or even the momentary high when he heard of them laugh in that "angelic" way of their's. jihoon would often find himself able to pinpoint certain habits his crushes and interests had too: for example, yeonjung's habit of tapping at the side of her phone when she was stressed. had she noticed it? of course not. he had though. he had zoomed in on it, magnified the trait into something cute about said person. it was what jihoon usually did.

it's here where i tell you the obvious. all of these crush symptoms jihoon had thought to have left behind before were popping up again, but this time not a girl was in sight.

all of these things were now applying to his feelings for jinyoung.

jihoon had no problem with liking other boys; he wasn't a labeller but hold a gun to his head and he'd claim bi/pan. he'd dated haknyeon for a short while a few years ago, the both of them in that whole 'experimental' of their lives. things ended terribly (he knew they were over from the moment he watched his boyfriend lock eyes with his 'best friend' changmin) but it allowed jihoon to realise that hey, dudes are pretty neat too.

other than that, he dated daniel for a while but the both of them ended it over it being too forced and awkward; their friendship was more valuable than anything. he'd also made out with mark at a party once which was the most uncomfortable thing to explain to everyone else. drink responsibly, kids.

liking jinyoung was different to all of these things though.

jinyoung was already dating, and even infatuated with, naeun. he'd never seen or even met the girl but something in the back of his mind told him that naeun was in love with him too. jihoon had already accepted the fact he had no chance whatsoever with the younger boy. it still made him feel bitter though.

he hoped naeun saw all the things in jinyoung that he did. jinyoung's caring nature, the way he would listen to anyone who needed it and made it a point to remember things about his friends that others would overlook. the way jinyoung's dimples would appear whenever he was truly happy and his melodic laugh that usually followed.

jihoon knew all of these things well, though he really wished he didn't.

☆

it was official: park jihoon was ready for death.

he felt like this all the time returning back from college though, so this was just routine for him. trudging through the park, jihoon kept his eyes downcast and his music on almost full volume (going deaf wasn't on the agenda so full volume was an absolute no.) with every step, jihoon bobbed his head along to the music: it was troye sivan's 'fools.'

it was all going fine for a while; jihoon's walk was uninterrupted. this died after the sounds of someone calling his name penetrated his ears, forcing him to stop his music and look up. to be fair, this could've just been one of those things where you think you hear someone calling your name when, in reality, it's nothing. fortunately, that wasn't the case this time.

walking through the park back from college was routine for jihoon.

running into jinyoung however was not.

to his surprise, jinyoung was waving him down and already running over to him. the younger boy wasn't alone though, as he dragged a slightly taller boy along with him.

"hyung!" jinyoung grinned, his dimples in full display.

"oh, hey." the response was blunt and almost emotionless but can you blame him? college had taken all the life out of him.

"i didn't expect to see you here," he began, temporarily oblivious to jihoon's death wish, "this is my friend guanlin, by the way!"

the taller boy waved at him awkwardly. for someone who'd just been dragged here against their own will, guanlin seemed more chipper than he expected.

"hmm..." jinyoung's smile was suddenly wiped off his face as he simply stared at jihoon, "...is something wrong?" jihoon wanted to scream, he really did. "my education is wrong, kiddo! my feelings for you are wrong!" is what he would've said if he really wanted to grant his own death wish.

instead, he chose to shrug it off with a simple, "i'm just tired, i suppose."

"well that won't do!" jesus, he really wasn't gonna let this one rest, "here, pass over your phone!" jihoon's exhausted look turnt into one of confusion and reluctancy at the demand. it wasn't like he didn't care for jinyoung's number but was this really the situation he wanted it in? that, and did he really deserve it with all the thoughts about jinyoung that he shouldn't even be having?

his eyes drifted over at guanlin who, to his surprise and amusement, was nodding at him. jinyoung wasn't a person to be denied easily, he figured.

"ok..." awkwardly fumbling with the phone, jihoon managed to pass it over to jinyoung. the younger boy looked so proud of himself briefly as he typed his number down. jihoon looked over at him whilst he did it and, in doing so he realised: how could he even think of refusing his boy? genuinely, he was so pure and giddy.

no, stop! what're you doing! jihoon mentally punched himself for thinking like that. jinyoung wasn't _his_ , couldn't ever be his, so wishful thinking was useless.

"here you go," jinyoung handed his phone back, "i put my number down, so text me whenever you feel exhausted ok?"

"o-ok..." he couldn't hide the shaking of his hands at that.

"we should get going now," he hummed to himself, grabbing onto an unsuspecting guanlin yet again, "you must be cold, huh?"

"what?"

"your hands are shaking," he observed, "get home quickly and safely, hyung!" it was then that jinyoung left almost as quickly as he came, pulling guanlin with him (the kid gave him another awkward wave as he left too. pure friends for a purer boy.)

as jihoon began walking back, he put his music back on. simple plan's 'untitled' on full blast (because fuck you, he was allowed to have different tastes in music!) to be honest, he wasn't too fond of the song compared to everything else he had. he rarely ever put things on full volume unless it was something he was willing to lose his hearing over.

this time though, he had to have it on loud no matter what.

anything to block out the growing thoughts and affections he was having about a certain black haired boy.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon is told something and has another crisis ft. woojin and daehwi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm uploading and crying at the same time bc that's how it be in this bitch of a world

☆ 

［bring back btr (3) - 4:05pm］

**jihoon** : ugh  
 **jihoon** : ughhhhh  
 **jihoon** : ughhhhhhhhhhhh

**daehwi** : are  
 **daehwi** : are we gonna ask or

**woojin** : no  
 **woojin** : let him suffer a bit more

**jihoon** : UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**daehwi** : he'll do this forever tho

**jihoon** : UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**woojin** : darn shame

**jihoon** : UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**daehwi** : UGH   
**daehwi** : what's up hyung

**jihoon** : A LOT

**daehwi** : wow! really????

**woojin** : intense sigh  
 **woojin** : tell us whats got u feeling blue jihoon

**jihoon** : thanks for asking woojin

**daehwi** : bitch

**jihoon** : remember the boy i told u about before?

**woojin** : AH YES UR CRUSH

**jihoon** : yeah

**daehwi** : crush???  
 **daehwi** : you have a crush??

**woojin** : his name is bae jinyoung apparently ;)

**daehwi** : ooh name sounds familiar

**jihoon** : yeah he goes to your skl

**daehwi** : oh, that explains it  
 **daehwi** : can't say i remember meeting him tho  
 **daehwi** : how do you know him?

**jihoon** : he visits the store a lot   
**jihoon** : buys stupid presents for his gf all the time

**daehwi** : gf?

**jihoon** : yep

**daehwi** : oh  
 **daehwi** : feels bad, man

**woojin** : what abt him??

**jihoon** : like  
 **jihoon** : before i didn't wanna believe it was a crush bc he's got a gf!!  
 **jihoon** : + he really likes her  
 **jihoon** : loves her even

**daehwi** : oof

**jihoon** : but now i kno  
 **jihoon** : i definitely have some kinda crush

**woojin** : oh fuck  
 **woojin** : does he kno?

**jihoon** : ofc not  
 **jihoon** : i don't intend on him findin out either

**daehwi** : what'll you do then?  
 **daehwi** : won't you just be sad? :(

**jihoon** : idk  
 **jihoon** : maybe it'll go away  
 **jihoon** : i'll give up on him

**daehwi** : is it that easy?

**woojin** : its defo not that easy  
 **woojin** : u will just end up hurt imo

**jihoon** : liking him will just hurt me tho  
 **jihoon** : idk  
 **jihoon** : i don't know what to do  
 **jihoon** : he's just so thoughtful  
 **jihoon** : he has the cutest smile ever  
 **jihoon** : god, he's so beautiful too  
 **jihoon** : + he comes into the shop just to see me sometimes?

**woojin** : aw

**daehwi** : woojin hyung!!

**woojin** : i mean NO AW  
 **woojin** : u gotta ignore all that stuff abt him  
 **woojin** : move on n find someone who'll like u  bac!

**daehwi** : ^^  
 **daehwi** : no one wants to see you hurt by this hyung

**jihoon** : ik   
**jihoon** : sorry i can't sort out my fucking feelings  
 **jihoon** : thx tho

**daehwi** : don't apologize  
 **daehwi** : can't help who you fall for, after all

**woojin** : throw out the whole cute boy, jihoon

**daehwi** : ^^  
 **daehwi** : there are cuter smiles out there!  
 **daehwi** : more beautiful men!  
 **daehwi** : yknow that aren't this jinyoung boy

**jihoon** : true  
 **jihoon** : thanks guys  
 **jihoon** : i gotta go finish my chem hw

**woojin** : oo text me if u need help boo x

**jihoon** : will do  
 **jihoon** : thanks again

**daehwi** : anytime hyung :D

☆

it was a friday night and here jihoon was, half asleep and manning the till. nobody else was in the shop with him but staying alert was a must. really though, what kind of douchebag would enter a convenience store at fuckall o'clock (translators note: 8:45pm.) and destroy the last shreds of jihoon's patience that he was desperately holding onto?

jinyoung, probably.

that being said, jihoon wouldn't mind it if jinyoung showed up all of a sudden; it would probably wake him up. it wasn't good to think like that, especially with his unrequited love issue, but it was impossible to get the younger boy out of his head. these past few months, jinyoung had really taken over him and he wasn't even aware of it. how unfortunate.

jihoon was so lost in his thoughts that the sound of the door's bell almost sent him into cardiac arrest.

shaking off the drowsiness he was feeling, jihoon straightened up. there was truly someone out there ready to start shopping with 10 minutes left until closing time. a large part of him was praying for it to be jinyoung, for he really wanted to hear his voice at a time like this. jihoon yearned for it more than anything in that moment.

looking up, jihoon snapped out of his daydream to actually acknowledge who had entered.

jinyoung?

"uh...hello?" jihoon blinked in confusion; this person clearly wasn't jinyoung. the person wasn't completely foreign to him though because he knew they'd met before... just what was his name?

"i'm guanlin, jinyoung's friend," oh right, tall boy! jihoon remembered now, "we met at the park a month ago?"

"yeah, i remember you," jihoon smiled, drowsiness slowly taking over again, "are you here to buy something?"

to his surprise, guanlin shook his head, "i wanted to talk to you about something."

"oh, what is it?" intrigue was an understatement if jihoon wanted to describe what he was feeling. what the fuck could this boy he'd spoken to a grand total of one time want with him?

"well, not something, i wanted to talk to you about jinyoung," guanlin hesitated for a second, eyes clearly full of sorrow for some reason, "i mean, his relationship with naeun..."

oh.

jihoon felt his heart sink at the mention of jinyoung's relationship. of course he knew that he had no chance with the other boy but still, it hurt a bit thinking about it. regardless, he still had to hear what guanlin wanted.

"what about them?" biting his cheek, jihoon braced himself for guanlin's answer.

"he's told you about her, right?" the tall boy questioned, the sad look in his eyes starting to bug jihoon. what was wrong?

"mhm, he tells me how great she is all the time," a bitter laugh, "he really loves her, right?"

the response that followed wasn't the one jihoon was expecting.

"he does love her," guanlin started, "that's the problem."

jihoon's eyes snapped up at guanlin, confused beyond belief. what was the problem?

"why is it a problem...?" he didn't want to know the answer but at the same time, he desired it more than anything else.

"she's just..." guanlin seemed to struggle to find the words, "...not a nice person."

before jihoon could question him further, guanlin's phone began to ring. the younger boy saw this as his sign to depart, much to jihoon's dismay.

"s-sorry, i gotta go," guanlin stuttered out, preparing to rush out the store, "don't tell jinyoung i came here!"

with a fumbled out "goodbye hyung!" guanlin was gone, leaving jihoon in both shock and curiosity.

naeun wasn't a good person.

he wasn't sure why or how, but by guanlin's standards, her relationship with jinyoung was a problem. guanlin hadn't given him any more information or even hinted at what was wrong, but it was still managing to make jihoon wrack him brain in theorising. was the love one-sided? was she unfaithful? or maybe guanlin was blowing it out of proportion. maybe they just weren't compatible? did guanlin have feelings for naeun and was trying to sabotage him?

thinking back on it though, jihoon knew that wasn't the case. guanlin was clearly worried for his friend, which gave jihoon even more reason to worry. was jinyoung oblivious to naeun's true personality?

what even was her true personality?

he'd just assumed that the two of them were alike in personality, making them perfect for each other. this had changed that idea though. jinyoung was a lovely person (he was biased though) who he was certain wouldn't ever wish to hurt anyone; jinyoung seemed like the kind of person who you could stab and he would apologize for walking into your knife.

so maybe it was the incompatibility-

"jihoon, it's closing time!" his manager shouted, already prepared to leave. his impatience showed.

he would carry on this mental debate at a later time, surely. for jinyoung's sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm still not sure if this is gonna start having quicker updates but i'm getting sudden motivation to write more so?? who knows
> 
> that being said, thanks for the kudos + comments! it really does make me smile :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daehwi: how srs is the problem hyung?
> 
> jihoon: uh idk   
> jihoon: its just my dumb fucking feelings again
> 
> daehwi:  
> daehwi: casserole can be put on hold, your feelings take top priority
> 
> ☆  
> → he meets naeun for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls dont hate me thx in advance

☆ 

"hyung, i've been waiting here for ages!" jinyoung fake pouted, putting his hands on his hips gruffly. in jihoon's defence, jinyoung had only told him like 10 minutes prior that he wanted to walk back with him after his work shift.

this wasn't jihoon's fault, ok?!

"i was dealing with a customer," jihoon retaliated, pouting for real, "have some respect!" jinyoung snorted at that.

the both of them walked through the park together, passing by other students and workers along the way. thankfully, it was one of those days when jihoon finished working in the evening (5:30, to be exact) so he wasn't too dead inside. they both spent the walk aimlessly talking about whatever they could. when they couldn't think of anything to mention, they both stayed in comfortable silence.

jihoon wished they could stay like this forever.

regardless, he knew they couldn't. there would come a day where jinyoung would realise how he felt and probably run as far away from jihoon as he could or, more realistically, cut off all contact with him. jihoon didn't like thinking about the inevitable.

"-hyung?" he was snapped back into reality by jinyoung waving his hand in front of his eyes. had he zoned out? shit. jinyoung quirked his eyebrow in vague concern before speaking again.

"you spaced out..." thank you einstein! jihoon wasn't a fucking idiot, he knew that he'd lost grip on reality for an alarming amount of time, too lost in his thoughts.

"s-sorry, i'm just thinking about... stuff." rather than let jinyoung know that he was 'stuff' , he left his stuttered answer as vague. he doubted jinyoung would pry.

though, he didn't expect the other boy to just laugh.

it was that sweet, rhythmic laugh once again. you could make a mixtape with that chuckle, honestly. jihoon found himself wanting to melt in the other boy's sounds, despite him knowing how wrong it was (he's naeun's, not yours.)

"ah seriously hyung," covering his mouth to stop the flow of giggles leaking out, jinyoung said, "you're so pretty!"

rewind, what?

jihoon stared at jinyoung, mouth agape like a fish out of water because, sweet jesus on a boat, he'd just called him _pretty_. jinyoung carried on walking, unaware of the mental crisis jihoon was currently having because of him.

sure, to jinyoung it was probably nothing; he was just pointing out the obvious like anyone would've. to jihoon however, jinyoung's comment had his heart beating even quicker, and his cheeks darkening in response. when being complimented by others, he would usually remain flippant about it because it was almost never true; there was nothing special about park jihoon in his own eyes. hearing jinyoung call him pretty though had made him rethink that, even for a brief moment.

there was something behind the brightness of the younger boy's eyes, something genuine.

"hyung?" jinyoung called out once again, suddenly taking ahold of jihoon's wrist, " let's go, i'll drag you if i have to!" the playful tone jinyoung usually carried had brought him back to reality. without much of a fight, jihoon allowed jinyoung to drag him across the park, all the while chatting about some kind of event that happened at his school. in all honesty, the older boy wasn't listening. instead he was only focused on the hand holding at his wrist.

a part of jihoon longer to slip his hand into jinyoung's.

"i wonder if naeun feels like this often." he thought to himself, peering over at the energetic boy.

he'd called him pretty and, most likely, meant it. it made jihoon happier. it wasn't true though. with all these thoughts in his head, if jinyoung was to find out how he felt then he'd consider jihoon's mind to be the opposite of pretty.

an ugly mind for a hopeless boy; that was the life jihoon would have to live.

☆

［bring back btr (3) - 8:46pm］

 **jihoon** : guys  
**jihoon** : i need actual moral support rn so come hither

 **woojin** : heyo  
**woojin** : hwi is here but kinda busy

 **daehwi** : i'm making a casserole!  
**daehwi** : how srs is the problem hyung?

 **jihoon** : uh idk  
**jihoon** : its just my dumb fucking feelings again

 **daehwi** :  
**daehwi** : casserole can be put on hold, your feelings take top priority

 **woojin** : awwww  
**woojin** : whats the problem tho

 **jihoon** : my crush is getting worse  
**jihoon** : help

 **woojin** : u mean the jinyoung boy?

 **jihoon** : yh  
**jihoon** : he called me pretty the other day  
**jihoon** : i can't stop thinking of it  
**jihoon** : is that bad?? it feels bad

 **daehwi** : ya dude  
**daehwi** : it's bad

 **woojin** : is he still w thingy

 **jihoon** : yeah  
**jihoon** : her name's naeun

 **daehwi** : the name sounds familiar but ?????  
**daehwi** : :( don't be sad hyung

 **jihoon** : wow thanks daehwi!!  
**jihoon** : suddenly im no longer sad over all this  
**jihoon** : so what if my crush is infatuated w some bitch that apparently doesnt deserve him??? so what if he talks abt her all the time  
**jihoon** : so fucking what if i cant get my mind off him???  
**jihoon** : its all gonna be FINE

 **daehwi** : ...o  
**daehwi** : sorry then

 **woojin** : jihoon dude chill  
**woojin** : if its rlly that bad then distance urself  
**woojin** : no need to get bitchy on us

 **jihoon** : sorry  
**jihoon** : i cant do that tho  
**jihoon** : without giving reason anyway

 **daehwi** : hm  
**daehwi** : what did you mean before btw?

 **jihoon** : about?

 **daehwi** : "some bitch that apparently doesnt deserve him"

 **jihoon** : oh right  
**jihoon** : his bff came to speak to me alone  
**jihoon** : apparently naeun isnt a good person? idk why tho  
**jihoon** : he left before he could tell me anything else

 **woojin** : yikes

 **daehwi** : hmm  
**daehwi** : does jinyoung know that she's "not a good person" ??

 **jihoon** : nope  
**jihoon** : he talks abt her like shes a saint

 **woojin** : damn  
**woojin** : talk abt infatuation

 **jihoon** : :-)

 **woojin** : his bff must b onto smth tho  
**woojin** : wonder what

 **daehwi** : i wouldn't stress about it too much though hyung  
**daehwi** : it'll make you feel worse, you know?  
**daehwi** : just focus on trying to move on  
**daehwi** : i could always ask around @ school if it really bothers you that much

 **jihoon** : hm  
**jihoon** : nah, dont  
**jihoon** : ill try to ignore it  
**jihoon** : thanks for the help guys  
**jihoon** : sorry for snapping at you

 **daehwi** : dw!

 **woojin** : focus on urself jihoon, yh?

 **jihoon** : yeah i will  
**jihoon** : thx guys

☆

so, jihoon tried to move on. he really did.

whenever jinyoung spoke to him, he'd make sure his eyes wouldn't drift over to the younger boy's (extremely kissable) lips or linger onto his glistening eyes. admittedly, it wasn't working too well. jihoon found himself wanting to just take jinyoung into his arms and tell him how he felt about him, resulting in him mentally beating himself up at thinking like that.

that being said though, he'd actually followed through with daehwi's advice of ignoring what guanlin had mentioned about naeun's personality. sure, it could've been important but he knew too well that it would just make everything worse if he remembered it every time jinyoung mentioned the love of his life. as long as he was happy, jihoon couldn't do anything about it. all be could do was smile and nod along.

much like he was doing now, working the 4 o'clock shift.

it wasn't too bad; a few students had come in to buy sweets and the like but it was to be expected. that's why when a group of schoolgirls all came huddled into the store, jihoon didn't bat an eye.

there was 5 of them, all from the high school down the road. they were all sniggering amongst themselves, talking a lot louder than jihoon would've liked.

"-i've been wanting to do this for months," one of the girls laughed, schoolbag in hand, "chorong kept telling me to do it before!"

the girl in question stuck her tongue out, "that's no fair, i was just trying to encourage you like a good friend -

 _naeun_!"

jihoon's interest was piqued at that as his gaze dropped on this naeun girl. she looked around jinyoung's age, sort of resembling his description of her. jinyoung had described her as a girl of average height, with long, flowing majestic hair (it was an exaggeration, to say the least, but that's love he supposed?) the average height part was true and all, but this girl had her hair situated into a bun.

why was he even fretting about it anyway? naeun was a popular name; the chances of it being jinyoung's naeun were low.

he'd like to think so, anyway.

said girl broke off from her squad and sauntered up to the counter, flashing jihoon a confident smile. it made him feel somewhat uneasy, but as did most of his teenage customers. she gave him a wave before beginning to open up her schoolbag. was she here to return something? weird, kids never did that these days.

as she pulled something out of her bag, jihoon's uneasy feeling reached its peak as his mind registered what the item was. nobody had come in to buy that item (his manager considered it a flop sale) apart from an old married couple, a college boy and-

he felt sick.

"i want to return this sandwich holder thingy please!" she grinned, practically slamming down onto the counter. jihoon was at a lost for words. he could only stare at the item.

all of a sudden, one of the other girls skipped over to join her friend, carrying a fucking immense shopping bag. it looked full. when she started taking stuff out of it, jihoon wanted to run.

"don't forget the inflatable jesus, the harp cleaning spray, the glasses, the bathe and brew, the golfing kit..." the friend bursted into sudden laughter, "i seriously can't believe he bought you all this shit!"

"i know right?" a mock look of disgust, "he genuinely thought i wanted all of this too, like how much of a loser do you have to be-"

jihoon stopped listening.

this was it. this is exactly what guanlin was talking about that day in the store. all the worries jihoon pushed to the back of his mind all bursted back to life, along with his growing sick feeling.

**this was jinyoung's naeun.**

"excuse me, sir?" naeun hummed, looking at him expectantly, "we'd like to return all of this."

if his job allowed it, jihoon would've decked the girl right then and there. unfortunately, punching your crush's shitty girlfriend for revenge purposes wasn't seen as morally correct in society and jihoon kinda needed the money.

"i need a receipt." was all he could say, coldness ever present in his voice.

"here you go," naeun laughed, turning back to her friend, "i can't believe he trusted me with all the receipts, like this wasn't gonna happen!"

her friend snorted, "you know more than all of us how much of a dumb bitch jinyoung is, don't be too surprised."

hearing jinyoung's name made his blood boil. she had no right to use his good name for such an awful thing. regardless, he refunded the items for her. it was store policy. he couldn't ignore the girl just because he ~~fucking hated her~~  had less than amicable feelings about her.

"...it's done." he mumbled, earning a wink from naeun.

as her friends began to walk off, he caught another glimpse of their conversation.

"already flirting with other men, look at you kim naeun!"

"what can i say? i made jinyoung a single bitch for good reason." what followed was loud, obnoxious laughter.

when they were out of view shot and earshot, jihoon immediately pulled out his phone. the only thing going through his mind was jinyoung: was he ok? had he seen this coming? was he hurting all alone? could jihoon help him somehow? he needed to know.

he'd do anything for his bae jinyoung.

☆

［park jihoon to: bae jinyoung. - 4:36pm.］

 **jihoon** : jinyoung??  
**jihoon** : can we talk?  
**jihoon** : please  
**jihoon** : if you dont wanna thats ok but still  
**jihoon** : i was wanna know how u are  
**jihoon** : jinyoung??

☆

he wasn't responding.

anxiousness clouding his mind, jihoon sent a text to the only other person who could help him with this.

thank fuck jinyoung had given him his number in case of emergency.

☆

［park jihoon to: lai guanlin. - 4:38pm.］

 **jihoon** : guanlin??

 **guanlin** : hey hyung  
**guanlin** : how are you?

 **jihoon** : bad  
**jihoon** : naeun just came into the store  
**jihoon** : she just returned everything jinyoung gave her

 **guanlin** : oh

 **jihoon** : she was so fuckin disgusting abt him  
**jihoon** : he isnt respondin to me either  
**jihoon** : wtf happened??

 **guanlin** : they broke up  
**guanlin** : or rather she broke up w him  
**guanlin** : she did it in front of everyone at the end of the day @ our courtyard  
**guanlin** : said some. choice words about him

 **jihoon** : shit

 **guanlin** : that's what she called their relationship  
**guanlin** : along with a waste of time  
**guanlin** : she liked him for his looks but that's dead now so!

 **jihoon** : shit shit  
**jihoon** : how is he?

 **guanlin** : i don't know  
**guanlin** : he ran off before me and seonho could catch up w him  
**guanlin** : he's ignoring my texts and calls too  
**guanlin** : but if i show up at his house then he'll ignore me even longer

 **jihoon** : god  
**jihoon** : why would she do that to him

 **guanlin** : because jinyoung's a good person  
**guanlin** : he's more than just a pretty face  
**guanlin** : i guess she didn't like that  
**guanlin** : i really need to get contact w him

 **jihoon** : hes ignoring everyone?

 **guanlin** : yeah, me, seonho, you  
**guanlin** : even minhyun hyung and he's jinyoung's favourite hyung  
guanlin: i'm scared he's gonna isolate himself again fuckk

 **jihoon** : ill keep tryin ok?  
**jihoon** : thanks for tellin me this stuff tho guanlin  
**jihoon** : im sorry for not warning him like you wanted me to

 **guanlin** : don't apologize hyung  
**guanlin** : you had no idea about it, i didn't get the time to tell you before  
**guanlin** : he didn't believe me when i told him anyway  
**guanlin** : so it's fine

 **jihoon** : ok  
**jihoon** : thanks still

 **guanlin** : np  
**guanlin** : thanks for caring about jinyoung  
**guanlin** : genuinely  
**guanlin** : he really likes you

☆

almost immediately, jihoon began scrambling to text jinyoung again.

he needed a response, or anything from this boy.

☆

［park jihoon to: bae jinyoung. - 4:48pm］

 **jihoon** : jinyoung  
**jihoon** : please respond  
**jihoon** : im worried abt you  
**jihoon** : we all are  
**jihoon** : please be safe  
**jihoon** : please  
**jihoon** : ill stop now but remember youre one of my closest friends and ill always be here for you and all that shit  
**jihoon** : ok?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon gets tired of waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- featuring chuu from loona bc i don't stan yet but she's adorable as heck

☆

jihoon waited.

it'd been a month since jinyoung had walked into the store to see him. he hadn't heard anything from the younger boy at all and it frustrated him to no end. his feelings aside, jinyoung's presence one of the only things keeping him sane for the past few months; he always brightened up jihoon's day, just by showing up. he'd become so used to seeing him that not having him around felt unreal.

any moment now, jinyoung would walk through those doors, bright grin and optimistic attitude and the like.

any moment now.

...

that's what jihoon thought everyday whilst on shift but, of course, he never came. on a few occasions, guanlin and his friend seonho had swung by to buy sweets; jihoon was extremely thankful that the both of them would provide updates on jinyoung, even though they weren't necessarily positive or what he would've liked to hear. from what he could gather, jinyoung was doing better than before, but he was still heartbroken and honestly? completely embarrassed by the whole ordeal. it wasn't what jihoon wanted to hear but it was something, right?

on this particular day, jihoon was working the early shift (3:30 was early for him, at least) and he knew that jinyoung's school had just finished. "here's to another day of not seeing bae jinyoung..." he mumbled to himself, clearly stroppy.

that was when it hit him.

the chances of jinyoung seeing him any time soon were low, for the boy couldn't even bring himself to respond to his texts. he would have to keep up with guanlin and seonho's stories until the once peppy boy would feel confident enough to face jihoon once again (though, he couldn't really figure out why jinyoung didn't want to see him anyway...) if things kept up like this, it'd take at least half a year for jinyoung to show himself again.

like hell was jihoon going to allow that!

throwing his name badge down on the floor in protest (and then picking up again because he needed this job), jihoon made his way to their backroom, where one of other part timers sat.

"hey, i need you to take over," he spoke, trying to ignore how quickly he was speaking, "i just remember i have something really important to do!"

jiwoo, said co-worker, looked up at him in both amusement and disbelief.

"are you bullshitting me or do you really need me?" thank fuck she was actually willing to give him a chance. this is exactly why kim jiwoo was the only blessed people amongst his co-workers.

"my life depends on it." jihoon deadpanned, half out of dramatic effect and the other half out of genuine reasoning. this was for jinyoung.

"really?" the girl seemed to debate his answer for a few seconds before getting up, "then who am i to stop you?"

pratically sprinting out, jihoon shouted out a rushed "thank you!" before leaving the store. he didn't hear jiwoo's response of "fill me in when you get back!" but he was appreciative, nonetheless. jihoon had never ran so fast in his life (sports? don't know her) than in this moment; he only had one thing on his mind as he ran.

bae jinyoung.

the school was only a five minute walk away but jihoon, in his act of determination, managed to reach there in a minute flat. he was right in assuming that students would only just be finishing school and, of course, returning home (or wherever else kids went to these days.) the majority of the students leaving as he arrived shot him looks of confusion and intrigue, making jihoon shrink slightly.

maybe it was the weird glances that brought him back to his senses, but the thought of how stupid he must look and must be suddenly hit him. really, he should've planned this out. for all he knew, jinyoung might not even be here!

love made people do impulse things, he figured.

love?

mentally waving that thought away, jihoon was now stood here praying the ground would swallow him whole. he'd never shown up at this school in his 18 years of life; chances were that he probably looked like some kind of thug waiting outside for jinyoung! or, at least, as thuggy as a broke college teen in a scrappy store uniform could be.

use your imagination, kids.

internally screaming at himself, jihoon debated on turning back. sure, he wanted to see jinyoung more than anything but was this the way to go about it? the pros of staying being: he'll see bae jinyoung in the flesh again (biggest pro, by the way) and getting some answers for the fact that he hadn't seen the younger boy in a month. the pros of leaving: everyone would stop looking at him like he had some kinda ulterior motive, less embarrassment, and his friends (namely woojin and jisung) wouldn't get the chance to mock him if jinyoung swerved him upon sight. if he went back though, jiwoo would probably mock him though.

either way, jihoon was destined to get shit from his friends.

he was so lost in his mental debate that he almost didn't see the target of his affection walking out of the school building, head low.

the keyword here being " _almost_."

in the corner of his eye, jihoon spotted him walking beside guanlin and seonho. as the latter duo talked animatedly, he seemed to be lost in his own train of thought; even from a mile away, jihoon didn't miss the look of melancholy in his eyes.

"BAE JINYOUNG!!"

jihoon didn't register his own voice until his shout came out. students stopped to stare at him and, as you can guess, jinyoung just happened to do the same.

he wasn't sure what the expression on jinyoung's face was supposed to be (fear? confusion? relief??) but guanlin and seonho beside him had never looked so thankful in the time jihoon had known them. jinyoung opened his mouth to say something, but jihoon was already running over to him and grabbing at his poor wrist before he could get the words out.

"we need to talk," he started, as calmly as possible, "you're coming with me."

"wh-" jinyoung hadn't even finished his sentence before jihoon began running out of school with him, "hyung!"

he hadn't planned for this but regardless, here he was pretty much forcing this poor boy into following him. if he looked sketchy before, then he didn't even want to think about what he looked like now.

now, he just needed to get jinyoung away from everyone else so they could finally talk.

☆

after a 5 minute walk in complete silence, they both arrived in a practically deserted part of the park. jihoon took this as his time to let go of jinyoung's wrist, mumbling a small 'sorry' to the other boy.

"wh..." jinyoung finally stuttered out, "why?"

"you've been avoiding me," the elder responded, letting go of jinyoung's wrist to run a hand through his hair, "and, shit.. i've been so worried about you jinyoung!" he got a guilty look in response as jinyoung bowed his head slightly.

"i'm sorry hyung," he finally got out, "i just didn't want you to see me like this..." it was at this moment jihoon felt his own heart shatter; jinyoung sounded so lost, so vulnerable. truly, whilst they were on speaking terms, he'd never seen the younger boy's face not lit up with a bright grin. he understood what jinyoung meant with not wanting to him to have to see him so gloomy, especially since he'd never dealt with it before.

still though.

"i would've been there for you though," jihoon spoke softly, taking ahold of jinyoung's hands, "i still want to help you."

jinyoung seemed shocked by this, troubled look getting worse.

"you don't have to do that hyung," came the quiet reply, "i don't want you to see me this sad all the time..."

oh, nuh-uh. jihoon wasn't having any of this. he thought about what the younger boy had said for a brief moment before speaking up again, confidence back this time.

"you won't feel sad forever jinyoung," he sighed, watching the other boy's gaze drop again, "hey, look at me." jinyoung obliged, hesitantly looking jihoon in the eyes.

remember what he said earlier about his heart breaking? yeah, ignore that. that only cracked at his heart just a tad. _this_  was when his heart began to fall apart. when jinyoung had finally met his eyes, jihoon had realised - jinyoung was about to cry.

"i promise you that you will get over that girl," his voice softened again as he squeezed jinyoung's hands in reassurance, "i'll be here to help you whenever, alright? no matter how sad and lonely you may feel." in any other case, he would've cringed at his own words (he sounded cheesier than daniel now, christ) but something seemed different this time. jihoon believed his own words, and he could only pray that jinyoung did too.

in a matter of seconds, jinyoung's arms were around jihoon without warning; he was being pulled into a hug. whilst he couldn't tell if the younger boy was shedding tears, he didn't miss the small tremor in his voice as he repeated an abundances of apologies to him.

"thanks hyung," he smiled against jihoon's shoulder, tears seeming to have gone, "i'm so lucky to have a friend like you."

they stayed like that for a little longer before they both walked through the park together, as they used to. throughout the stroll together, jihoon could feel his heart thumping loudly in his chest, frantically trying to alert him of its broken state. it'd felt like that earlier when he'd seen jinyoung's tear-filled eyed, but the younger looked somewhat happier now that they'd spoken. stupid sad side effects, he mentally cursed himself.

though, jihoon swore that he could feel his heart crack a bit more when jinyoung called him his 'friend.'

as if it had been the thing to break it completely.

...as if, right?


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guanlin: you like jinyoung, don't u?
> 
> ☆
> 
> feelings and realisations. or rather, someone catches jihoon back on his bs again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise, i live on
> 
> i have more mock exams + writer's block but like hell am i gonna let it make me hiatus for really long
> 
> thx for still supporting this weird little fic

☆ 

"-and so that's why left work. to talk to jinyoung." jihoon recounted to his friendship group, flipping his hair back at the end for dramatic effect. they were situated around a cramped lunch table in the cafeteria (which, believe me, is way too loud to be retelling bittersweet crush stories), having to listen to jihoon because the kid needed help desperately.

shooting jihoon a concerned look, changbin asked, "are you sure any of this is actually a good idea?" everyone else seemed to share the same worried gaze directed at him; jihoon genuinely didn't understand.

"he means the fact youre still pining over this boy," mark clarified, knowing he didn't understand, "you'll end up getting hurt, y'know?"

"what?" he cringed at that, the word coming out high pitched and dragged out for far to long, "jinyoung's my friend, of course helping him is a good idea."

his friends lapped into an awkward silence, sharing knowing looks with each other. it was moments like this that jihoon hated how well he knew his friends and their mannerisms: chan was tapping the table with his ring finger (something he did when he felt uncomfortable, namely the current topic of conversation), mark had his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes on woojin who was giving him a similar look (the duo were communicating somehow and that pissed him off to no end), whilst changbin was frantically looking between the friendship group (he was trying to will one of them to speak up, let jihoon know how much of a dumbass he was being-)

"you like him more than a friend should though." hyeop finally broke the silence, before taking another sip from his bottle. jihoon didn't know how to respond to that exactly. he was right, of course jihoon regarded jinyoung as a close friend _and_  a crush; they all knew that anyway. that being said, he could still maintain a normal friendship with the other boy! just because he was officially single, this didn't mean jihoon was about to slide into the dms™ and ask out his most likely straight crush out. he had class.

"how is that a problem?" he retorted, tone more bitter and harsh than intended, "i _can_  learn to move on from people, jesus." a part of him regretted how rude he sounded after seeing his friends discouraged looks but he immediately disregarded it. it's their fault for doubting him in the first place, clearly.

"we're just worried 's all," hyeop mumbled, "no one wants to see you get hurt." he laughed internally, vaguely remembering daehwi saying something to that avail a while ago.

his friends didn't need to be worried though, is the thing. sure, he had a crush on jinyoung and sure, it'd lasted for longer than most of his crushes but that didn't mean he couldn't move on from it. jinyoung was going through the aftermath of a rough breakup at the moment and needed people around him; it wasn't a bad or worrying thing that he'd picked jihoon to be one of those people. all he wanted to do was help his friend recover and cheer up again, no ulterior motives in sight. his friends were just being paranoid with their worries that it'd make his crush worse.

"i'll be fine," he muttered bitterly, gathering his things and getting up, "i'm going to class, cya."

he was really pissed at his friends now for even doubting him in the first place because, really, aren't friends meant to be supportive of each other? that's all he was doing with jinyoung and, chances were, his crush would just disappear. poof! completely gone! they had nothing to worry about which all the more angered him because they were worrying.

though, deep down he knew they had ample reason to be worried because, shit, something about jinyoung felt different.

☆

from that point onwards, him and jinyoung were finally talking again. the younger boy responded back to jihoon's texts (very slowly though, may he add) and even began smiling again, even if it was only the occasional small smirk. their friendship was going on strong, no matter what his stupid friends thought.

on this particular occasion, jihoon had invited out jinyoung to a café in town just to lounge about and talk nonsense together. much to jinyoung's surprise, jihoon had bought a frappuccino lathered in whipped cream and strawberries (he could still be a hardcore bitch with a sweet drink, ok?) whilst he'd settled on a dark coffee. jihoon was kind of shocked by jinyoung's choices but he didn't question it; it felt nice to learn something else about the younger boy.

after a good 20 minutes of the duo chatting away and drinking, jinyoung lapsed into his own thoughts. the somewhat bright light in his eyes that he had earlier had dimmed, with jinyoung suddenly looking more melancholic than ever.

"hey hyung," he spoke, his tone of voice worrying jihoon, "i must be an idiot, right?"

jihoon shot him a questioning look, trying to figure out exactly what jinyoung was talking about.

"what do you mean?" he finally asked.

"it's just...i want to be loved by someone who actually loves me back," the boy let out a bitter chuckle to repress the tears threatening to spill, "but that won't happen, will it?"

in that moment, jihoon wanted to grab the younger boy by the shoulders and just shout at him "i love you!" but every sane part of his brain stopped him. it hurt seeing him so hurt by what naeun had done to him and, truly, jihoon understood; the first breakup always stings, especially if the other person was like...that. it hurt even more knowing that jinyoung felt so unlovable when he was here, wanting nothing more than to embrace him and tell him everything (how beautiful he was, how caring he was, and the like.)

regardless of his own feelings, jihoon could only give jinyoung the usual sad gaze coupled with his reassuring words.

"of course you'll find love jinyoung," he sighed, "this isn't the end of the world for you or anything."

"you really think so?"

"i know so," jihoon smiled, "there's probably someone out there in love with you now, you just haven't realised it yet."

"oh?"

it was at this moment park jihoon knew, he fucked up.

"uh...i mean, there probably is?" he backtracked, internally praying jinyoung wouldn't read into what he said before, "knowing you, there is, at least-"

"you're way too kind jihoon hyung," jinyoung interupted, previous grin back, "thanks for the encouragement!"

"n-no problem..." almost immediately, jinyoung changed the subject back to some game that they both loved. jihoon was eternally thankful that he'd been saved from embarrassing himself further. honestly, that was a close call.

he couldn't give jinyoung the slightest hint that he felt anything for him stronger than friendship. jihoon wasn't going to sacrifice their friendship for his stupid unrequited feelings. if he ever said anything like that again, he would be done for; from now on, he was going to have to think before he said literally anything.

after all, jinyoung would probably hate him if he learnt about his feelings.

☆

［lai guanlin to: park jihoon. - 10:56pm.］

 **guanlin** : hi hyung  
**guanlin** : are you there?

 **jihoon** : ya  
**jihoon** : why r u still awake god  
**jihoon** : sleep u child

 **guanlin** : i was abt to but i couldn't

 **jihoon** : why  
**jihoon** : whats up

 **guanlin** : i was thinking abt something  
**guanlin** : you i mean

 **jihoon** : ?????  
**jihoon** : why me

 **guanlin** : hyung  
**guanlin** : i'm not stupid you know  
**guanlin** : i mean i've only just realised properly  
**guanlin** : but i had a suspicion before

 **jihoon** : wtf r u talking about

 **guanlin** : you like jinyoung, don't u?

 **jihoon** :  
**jihoon** : ofc i do hes my friend??

 **guanlin** : more than a friend  
**guanlin** : you have feelings for him  
**guanlin** : am i wrong?

 **jihoon** :  
**jihoon** : go to sleep, guanlin

 **guanlin** : hyung

 **jihoon** : nvm ill just leave

 **guanlin** : you can't avoid it though :/

 **jihoon** : i dont want to talk about this  
**jihoon** : just go to sleep

 **guanlin** : fine, i will  
**guanlin** : jinyoung can be stupid though  
**guanlin** : he won't realise you like him  
**guanlin** : at least, for now he won't  
**guanlin** : just don't get hurt ok?  
**guanlin** : you're my friend too and jinyoung is a dumb child  
**guanlin** : good night hyung


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thoughts and meetings

☆ 

guanlin knows.

jihoon laid in his bed, hiding himself in his sheets. from the outside, he probably looked pathetic. in fact, scratch that. he was pathetic. he'd been so obvious with his crush that guanlin had realised. even though he'd tried so hard to hide it whenever he saw jinyoung, he'd been found out. what had he done wrong?

maybe it was the way his eyes lingered on jinyoung for much longer than necessarily needed.

maybe it was the way he would laugh at jinyoung's jokes, even when what was said wasn't funny in the least. (it made jinyoung smile more though so who was he to complain?)

maybe it was the way he would stare down at jinyoung's hands whenever he was holding something, mind drifting off to the thought of holding his hand one day.

maybe it was all these things and more.

wrapping himself further into the sheets, jihoon felt tears prick at his eyes. he had been so convinced that he could remain friends with jinyoung despite his crush that he hadn't even attempted to rid of his feelings or help his own case; now, there was nothing he could do. jihoon had doomed himself from the start by ignoring it all. he was in too deep. rather than have his crush disappear, it had gotten stronger and as much as jihoon hated having to admit it to himself, he was helpless.

park jihoon was hopelessly in love with bae jinyoung, that much he knew.

he also knew well that jinyoung would never even fathom of thinking of him as more than a friend. to him, jihoon was nothing more than a friend ready to lend him an ear in hard times. jihoon was also the person who witnessed the start and the inevitable (but kinda fortunate) end of his first love. as much as he loved to daydream about it, he could never be the one to let jinyoung experience that love again and, instead, he'd probably end up having to witness jinyoung find someone else.

someone that wasn't him.

the tears began to sting at his eyes now because, shit, this was it. his friends were right: jihoon couldn't balance his close friendship with jinyoung and still harbor a crush (or rather, feelings of love) for him. he was practically asking to get hurt at this point. jihoon knew that well.

the logical explanation here, really, would be to tell jinyoung how he feels and hopefully try to move on. thinking about it though, he was almost certain that jinyoung would not only reject him but his friendship completely. he was expecting it (he'd even thought about various scenarios in which jinyoung would always tell him how he " _never wanted to see him again_ ") but it still made him feel sick to his stomach. it hurt knowing that he was desperately in love with jinyoung. it hurt even more knowing that jinyoung would never love him back, or even like him that way.

it was then, jihoon concluded, that jinyoung couldn't ever know about his feelings.

sure, it would hurt him to keep it in but what more could he do? telling him would jeopardize their entire friendship as a whole; keeping it in wouldn't be as mad, surely.

the only other solution would be cutting off the younger boy but that option was ruled out immediately. it would give jihoon the opportunity to forget his feelings, sure, but more than anything, he didn't want to be away from the other boy.

sobbing quietly now, jihoon reached his answer.

he wouldn't tell jinyoung that he loved him. he would keep pretending to see the boy as only a 'friend' and make sure his eyes didn't linger on his ~~ethereal~~  features for too long. he'd tell guanlin not to say anything about the issue and pray that the youngest would drop it (knowing his kind nature, he would. begrudgingly, but surely.) from now on, he wouldn't let anyone even get the slightest hint that he was in love with bae jinyoung.

after all, he didn't want to lose him.

what jinyoung didn't know wouldn't hurt him, right?

as jihoon drifted into sleep, he tried his hardest to ignore just how tearstained his poor pillow was. not thinking about it made it easier, he realised.

☆

"hey hyung," jinyoung called, running at him with alarming speed, "nice to see you survived college today!"

he wasn't too surprised when jinyoung had offered to meet him after he finished college. in all honesty, jihoon had been meeting up with the younger boy more often recently. was that bad? who knows? (he knew. of course it was.) jinyoung had been so enthusiastic to see him today for some reason, so who was he to complain?

upon seeing the younger boy, jihoon immediately understood why he was so desperate to see him now. gone was the usual bubbly mop of ebony hair that jihoon had become so accustomed to seeing. instead, here was jinyoung standing before him with- sweet jesus.

his hair was silver.

jinyoung's bangs fell almost perfectly across one of his eyes, with at least half of his forehead on display for everyone to see. it was a stark contrast to the old haircut which jihoon had chosen to label as cutesy and 'soft.' now, the younger boy seemed to be going for a more mature and, he daresay, sexy look. jinyoung smiled at him warily, giving him an expectant look; he wanted jihoon's opinion, it seemed. at that moment, jihoon should've looked away; jinyoung was somehow managing to glow even brighter to him than before. the new hairstyle and colour suited him well, too well even.

all jihoon could do was stare at this blindingly beautiful boy.

"i-it looks good." he stuttered out, attempting to hide his bashfulness with a quick flash of his thumbs. jinyoung's nervous gaze disappeared after that, with the younger boy immediately telling him how happy he was to hear that and "how worried i was that you'd hate it!" as much as he nodded along with whatever jinyoung was talking about, jihoon tried to keep his focus elsewhere. away from his stunning looks. away from his calming voice. away from any and all thoughts of jinyoung in a more than platonic sense.

the duo lapsed into conversation again after jihoon deemed himself somewhat decent enough to look jinyoung in the eyes without having some sort of emotional breakdown (he had a bad bitch reputation to hold up around him still, lest we forget.)

"-yesterday a clown held the door for me." jinyoung was in the middle of one of his infamous shitty puns that, somehow, only jihoon found funny. crush aside, it wasn't his fault that he knew what a good joke was and everyone else didn't.

"yeah?"

"i thought it was a nice _jester."_ he finished proudly, grinning even more when the older boy erupted into a fit of giggles.

after collecting himself, jihoon spoke, "god, you're the funniest person i've ever met jinyoung!" he continued to heave out a few more laughs before opening his eyes and taking a look at said jokester. almost immediately, the smile on jihoon's face wavered.

whether it was just his imagination or not, jinyoung was staring at him, eyes as large as saucers; by the look on his face, you'd think jinyoung's thoughts were coming at a mile a second or something. reaching out and shaking the boy slightly, jihoon gave him a concerned look.

...had he realised?

shit, of course he has. how stupid was he to think that jinyoung wouldn't realise his obvious feelings for him? everyone had warned him and now look at him! he was just an idiot. maybe it would be best to run-

"oh, sorry," jinyoung finally mumbled out, voice concerningly softer than before, "i just remembered i need to go home and deal with something."

jihoon blinked in confusion before letting out a small "oh." the other boy was really that desperate to escape him, huh?

sensing jihoon's discomfort and clear worry, jinyoung pulled him into a quick hug, "it's just homework, i promise i'm not ditching you!" as they parted, jihoon let out another "oh" to signal that he understood.

"ok..." jinyoung paused, "see you soon, promise?"

"i promise." jihoon smiled back, watching as the silver haired boy ran off in the opposite direction, waving the whole time.

it was weird, but he could've sworn that the look jihoon had given him again was similar to that of the last one. he couldn't tell exactly what it was but there was something behind it... something jihoon hadn't seen in a while.

he kept on walking, frowning slightly now. there was something off about jinyoung, but what?

hopefully he'd tell him when he's ready.

☆

［bring back btr (3) - 4:01pm］

**daehwi** : HEY i have news!!

**woojin** : wat

**daehwi** : i met jinyoung today!  
 **daehwi** : he just got moved up to my maths set so now we're buddies B)  
 **daehwi** : he seems sweet

**jihoon** : dont use him to talk shit about me

**daehwi** : i won't hyung ;D

**jihoon** : thank you daehwi :-)

**daehwi** : jisung wont hesitate though

**woojin** : MOOD

**jihoon** : im leaving

**daehwi** : snort  
 **daehwi** : he's a v kind kid   
**daehwi** : plus the silver hair suits him!  
 **daehwi** : i understand why you're such good friends with him :)

**jihoon** : yeah  
 **jihoon** : ...friends

**daehwi** : ...ah

**jihoon** : ...

**woojin** : uh u 2 up for a game of overwatch rn???

**daehwi** : YES please  
 **daehwi** : i would be delighted

**jihoon** : yh sure

**woojin** : good  
 **woojin** : only good vibes here guys  
 **woojin** : cya soon ;* prepare to lose


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon talks to guanlin and learns a lot more about naeun and jinyoung.

☆

［lai guanlin to: park jihoon. - 12:30pm.］

 **guanlin** : hi jihoon hyung!  
**guanlin** : are you free today?

 **jihoon** : im free until 5 bc of work  
**jihoon** : why do u ask?

 **guanlin** : can we meet @ the café near the park?  
**guanlin** : chen's café city

 **jihoon** : yh sure  
**jihoon** : now?

 **guanlin** : yeah  
**guanlin** : sorry it's so sudden but i feel like we should talk!  
**guanlin** : i have a bit to tell you too  
**guanlin** : if that's ok

 **jihoon** : yh thats fine  
**jihoon** : im on my way then

 **guanlin** : ok  
**guanlin** : see you there!

☆

and this is how park jihoon came here, in fucking cold whether ( _-5°, can you believe it? guanlin better be appreciative_ ), sitting opposite an equally awkward guanlin. the younger boy had already bought him a drink, along with a plate of petite cakes that probably cost more than he received weekly. mumbling a small "thanks" he sipped the drink, instantly shooting guanlin a look of shock afterwards: it was strawberries and cream flavoured.

"is it ok?" he asked, voice shaking a tad, "jinyoung said it was your favourite so i just listened to him."

"it's fine, thank you," the tension between the two of them dissipated a bit before jihoon took it upon himself to ask the big question, "what did you want to talk to me about?"

jihoon instantly regretted asking because, holy shit, the look guanlin was giving him. it wasn't a glare or with clear murderous intent, but it might've well been with how scared he felt. guanlin stared at him, seeming to be having a mental debate of his own; he looked almost anxious of his next words, as if the wrong words could shatter the very forces if the universe.

was this it? was guanlin going to ask him about his crush?

internally praying he wouldn't bring it up because, really, jihoon didn't want to die this young, he directed his gaze to the floor. if he avoided the younger boy's guilty expression, then he could just pretend it wasn't there in the first place, right?

"...you remember naeun, don't you?" it was a completely random question, managing to earn a frown from jihoon, "the girl jinyoung was with."

"of course, what about her?" there had to be some reason why guanlin would suddenly open up pandora's box like that; the kid didn't have it in him to purposely piss jihoon off (+ with something so brutal either.),

"i've just been thinking...of how she was," guanlin swirled his straw around mindlessly, "has he ever told you?"

jihoon shook his head, "he never speaks about her anymore, obviously." he was kinda scared as to what guanlin was gonna say next, especially since the boy knew so much about him, or rather his feelings. was he going to use naeun to shoot jihoon down? no, guanlin wouldn't do that. would he?

"i'll tell you then-" pausing to sip from his drink, guanlin started up, "the kind of person she is."

intrigued, jihoon propped himself up on his elbows, looking intently at the younger boy. thinking back on it, guanlin did say that he already knew jinyoung would end up heartbroken. he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to know how he knew in the first place.

"naeun's very popular," guanlin started, "she's always been, really."

"nothing wrong with being popular though, is there?" jihoon wasn't saying that he was the shit back in high school but truly, he was the shit. (no matter how many times woojin embarrassed him in front of everyone, he was still the fucking bomb.)

"there is when you use it to step on everyone else," the younger boy deadpanned, eyes darkening for a split second, "she's the kind of person who thinks everyone is below her, if you get what i mean."

"oh..." jihoon nodded.

"jinyoung the complete opposite to that though," a bitter chuckle escaped the chinese boy's lips, "she didn't like that he wouldn't change to be like her, so they ended up breaking up."

nodding along still, jihoon's lips turned down into yet another frown. he got the exact same vibes from this girl too, so it begged the question: did jinyoung really not see it too?

"she said a lot of things to him as well, i guess," guanlin paused for a second, thinking about his words, "especially with their breakup."

he'd been told a bit about the breakup via guanlin before (also, little snippets from seonho) but it seemed he was going to learn more. needless to say, jihoon was interested.

"she... told him everything she said to him was a lie," voice quieting somewhat, he whispered, "that she never loved him...that he would probably never find love..."

"that's fucking awful..." more than that, park jihoon was 100% ready to slap a bitch, though his morals (and the law) would be against it. how could someone be so cruel? especially to jinyoung, a boy who only had love and support for others. he had such a huge heart and literal gems for eyes that he was happy naeun would never get to experience again. still, the damage was done. jinyoung was hurt and she was not.

how unfair, he huffed to himself.

peering up at guanlin, he noticed how conflicted the other boy looked. he seemed to desperately be debating something with himself in his head, eyes flickering between the ground and his drink. jihoon sat there in wait, not wanting to bring attention to what was probably an intensely important debate.

it took two minutes, but guanlin finally spoke up.

"hyung," he bit his the inside of his cheek, "can i tell you this?"

the confused expression must've been obvious on his face, "tell me what?"

guanlin paused again before finally reaching his mental conclusion, "it's about jinyoung, and what i said before."

"...what did you say before?"

"him isolating himself again." a beat of silence, "i said it over text."

"i remember."

the younger boy sighed softly, voice softening completely as he recalled what jihoon didn't know.

"he did it after the break up, locked himself up and all." jihoon knew all to well how jinyoung started ignoring everyone (namely him.) still, there must be more to it, considering how cautious guanlin was being.

"he ends up ignoring us for a while because he thinks we probably hate him," guanlin revealed, "i mean, i think that's it. he's only ever done this one other time."

"oh..."

"jinyoung just isn't too positive of a person about himself, is what i'm getting at," jihoon was shocked at this, "he worries a lot about the ones he loves hating him in the end.."

there was an uncomfortable silence settling between the duo now; jihoon had no idea how to respond to any of what guanlin had revealed because it just...wasn't what he expected? it's easy to fake a smile, he knew that extremely well. it just seemed sad and surprising to him that jinyoung of all people really thinks that it was possible to hate him.

quite the opposite; jihoon was finding it impossible to not love him.

now's not the time, jihoon.

"...why are you telling me this?" he asked, voice mirroring guanlin's low tone.

"i just wanted you to know how manipulative naeun is, i guess," another pause (he was ready to propose a shot game, honestly), "and how bad it affected jinyoung."

"oh..." maybe he should be proposing a drink game for himself, with the amount of oh's coming out of his damn mouth.

"he's doing better than before though!" positive tone suddenly flowing through guanlin's words, "especially with people like us, and...you."

he stopped, meeting the black haired boy's eyes because, huh? he hadn't understood the tone or the hidden meaning behind the 'you' or if if was meant to be a dig at him and his stupid fucking crush. almost a second later though, guanlin was getting up, drink in hand.

"i have to go and see seonho now, but thanks for talking to me!" lopsided grin beaming right at jihoon. he turned to leave, before being stopped by jihoon's call.

"guanlin, wait!" he had to ask, he really did. if he left it, he'd fall even deeper into worry and anxiety. not today, satan.

"yeah?"

"are..." shit, this was harder than he thought, "are you gonna tell jinyoung about...?" he didn't even have to finish the sentence, for guanlin already knew immediately what he was on about.

"i won't, promise," he smiled, "it's your secret to tell, if you want to... hopefully."

as soon as he got the words out, guanlin left, giving jihoon a big wave. in all honesty, he wasn't too focused on the wave or the fact guanlin had left a good 7 sugar packets on the table (he really _did_  look dodgy now), for his mind was focused on one thing.

what did he mean by hopefully?

hopefully he confesses? hopefully he stays shut up about it? hopefully the feelings go away? hopefully **WHAT?!**

taking a frustrated sip from his drink, jihoon vowed not to think about it too much. it was probably nothing; there was no necessary need to read into it.

and that was how jihoon spent all evening thinking about guanlin's new information and that bloody 'hopefully.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! hope you're all having a great day today!
> 
>  
> 
> take care of yourselves, ok? :>


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: the text part at the start was meant to be the end of chapter 11 but i forgot to write it in lol
> 
> also, for reminders sake  
> mark - NCT  
> jisung - NCT  
> chan - SVT  
> changbin - stray kidz  
> the others are w1 lol

☆ 

［bring back btr (3) - 2:00pm］

**daehwi** : hey.  
 **daehwi** : i need a bit of advice

**woojin** : hey  
 **woojin** : jihoons @ work :(

**daehwi** : lmao oh yeah  
 **daehwi** : still, you can help me

**woojin** : with?

**daehwi** : well  
 **daehwi** : what do you do if someone tells you a secret  
 **daehwi** : it's a secret that you can't tell anyone but it would make everything so much more easier if it came out

**woojin** : ???  
 **woojin** : wym?

**daehwi** :  
 **daehwi** : nvm  
 **daehwi** : i'll figure it out myself   
**daehwi** : see you hyung

**woojin** : see u??  
 **woojin** : weirdo

☆

the next time they met, jihoon could tell something was up with jinyoung.

call it a seventh sense if you will, but the boy was behaving oddly. his laugh would die out quicker than usual, like a birthday cake being blown out prematurely by some rowdy child rather than the actual birthday person. his eyes would linger on jihoon for a longer amount of time when he snorted at his lame jokes and/or stories. more importantly though, he seemed constantly lost in thought for the entire time they walked through the park together.

he would've asked himself but it seemed weird. he was certain jinyoung would tell him what was on his mind when he was ready, especially since he'd clearly been worrying about it the last time they met too.

nearing the exit of the park and, ultimately, the place they parted, jinyoung clutched at jihoon's arm. concern flooding his features, jihoon turned to face his dongsaeng. the boy was now visibly troubled, seeming to desperately want to say something. it felt cliché, but he looked so vulnerable? jihoon felt his heart pang.

"hyung..." jinyoung uttered out, looking jihoon in the eyes, "i need to tell you something."

cheeks reddening, jihoon gave him a cautious nod, "go ahead jinyoung."

"i..."

jihoon stood in wait, suddenly full of fear at what jinyoung was about to say.

'i'm bi."

oh.

that certainly wasn't what he was expecting. when jihoon didn't respond straight away, the younger boy's expression faltered.

"you're the first person i've told this to," his vulnerability shining through his glowing eyes, "i've only just figured it out and i wanted you to know first... sorry."

oh shit, he really had taken too long to respond before.

"don't apologize, i'm proud of you!" jinyoung's face lit up at that, almost making jihoon cry then and there ( _google: i once saw a man so beautiful i cried?_ ), "thank you for trusting me enough to tell me first jinyoung. really."

the previous worry and terror in jinyoung's expression had gone, now replaced with the purest joy and happiness.

"thanks jihoon hyung, you're the best!" after that, they both parted ways.

walking sluggishly, jihoon could feel his heart sinking almost as slowly. jinyoung was bi. he should be happy for him. he was happy for him! he'd found out his true identity, that's amazing!

still though.

it brought on the question of how he came to such a conclusion. most teens came to the same kind of conclusion, but it was typically triggered by something. a fling, an experimental phase, a spiritual reawakening. most obviously thought, a crush.

jihoon stopped completely, finally absorbing in jinyoung's words and his own realisations.

had jinyoung finally fallen for someone else? it was likely, of course, especially with how loving the younger boy was. who's to say he hadn't found a cute boy to snatch up and love him back?

wasn't he supposed to be that cute boy though? at least, that's what he wanted.

keyword here is 'wanted', kids. jinyoung is the person he wanted to love him back. he had no obligation to recognise his feelings or even reciprocate him; likeliness was that he was only a friend to him, not a romantic interest. jihoon knew that already, he'd known it for so long and yet...and yet...

why did he suddenly feel like crying?

despite aggressively blinking back the tears, his devastation kept piling on and on, to the point where park jihoon, in all his glory, was out here sobbing in the middle of the damn streets. thankfully, no one else was around to witness his patheticness but all of him desired someone, anyone to just pull him close and tell him everything was gonna be ok.

without second thought, jihoon pulled his phone out of his pocket and began to text. despite the tears clouding his vision and his ability to type coherently, he still tried.

he just needed someone, at a time where he never felt so alone.

☆

［owo? whats this (9) - 7:05pm］

**jihoon** : hey  
 **jihoon** : giys

**woojin** : ayo park

**chan** : hiya

**jihoon** : is an,yone fre

**mark** : ?  
 **mark** : you ok dude?

**daehwi** : your typing is worse than the ushe  
 **daehwi** : what's up

**jihoon** : evrrhtbjng

**chan** : dude  
 **chan** : are you drunk??

**jihoon** : no  
 **jihoon** : just xruing  
 **jihoon** : cryin ***

**jisung** : hyung?

**woojin** : where r u rn

**jihoon** : waalking h;;home  
 **jihoon** : i just need so;meone bbecause i;;'m so sad

**daehwi** : shit i'm not allowed to leave rn

**jisung** : ^^   
**jisung** : fuckle

**mark** : i'll be right on over  
 **mark** : anyone else coming?

**woojin** : me   
**woojin** : i gotta change first

**changbin** : i'm looking after hyungjin's dog but i can still text?

**chan** : i'll slip out gimme a sec

**jisung** : protection squad formed

**daehwi** : get home safely hyung!

**mark** : where are you now jihoon

**jihoon** : appatrmentt buildinng  
 **jihoon** : im just sso s,,orry my typing is so bbad but i cant stop cryinn..g

**changbin** : hey hey don't apologize

**chan** : get inside, kk?

**jihoon** : iam now

**chan** : ok :)

**woojin** : im changed lets roll gang

**mark** : okay  
 **mark** : the three of us will be over in a bit, okay jihoon?

**jisung** : make sure he stops being sad

**woojin** : we will kiddo  
 **woojin** : promise

**jisung** : :)

**changbin** : we'll always be here for you park wink  
 **changbin** : even ongniel who aren't here rn

**daehwi** : ily hyung!!!   
**daehwi** : please don't cry, that's jisung² job

**jisung** : -.-

**jihoon** : thabanks  
 **jihoon** : please cone wuick i feel so alone

**chan** : we're comin   
**chan** : love you bro

**mark** : <3 :)   
**mark** : gtg riding my bike there

**woojin** : mm same  
 **woojin** : see you soon hoon  
 **woojin** : we all lov u, k?  
 **woojin** : loads  
 **woojin** : <3

☆

it was roughly 7:10 when jihoon got home and sometime around 7:20 when woojin, chan and mark arrived.

he was kinda thankful that he'd given woojin a spare key prior because, really, he was in no position to get up and answer the door. that being said, he wasn't in any position to do anything. it all just felt sad.

"jihoon, it's us!" mark called out, diving in and out of rooms. when they eventually found jihoon, it wasn't a pretty sight. said boy was laying face first on his dingy couch, muffled sobs echoing through the room. he probably looked pitiful right now. he felt like it, anyway.

"hey, ji, look up at me..." woojin was suddenly by his side, voice much quieter than he'd ever heard. when he did comply, the other boys gasped audibly at how utterly dejected their poor friend looked.

"oh ji..." that set him off completely, sobbing incoherently once again into woojin's arms. a few seconds later, chan and mark's arms also found themselves cuddled around him like a protective wall. they stayed like this until jihoon finally got it all out, not moving for a second.

"...sorry." he mumbled, wiping at his red eyes.

"don't apologize dude, we all have those days." chan smiled warmly at him, dabbing at his eyes with his hoodie sleeve.

"d'ya want us to stay?" woojin asked, eyes full of both concern and affection. nodding weakly, jihoon stuttered out a small "please."

mark joined him on the couch whilst the others began getting whatever they could to try and make jihoon smile like he usually did.

"movie??" chan called from the kitchen, not waiting for an answer as he began microwaving the popcorn.

"i'll get the blankets!" woojin hollered back. they'd done this so many times that they knew jihoon's apartment like the back of their hands (better than their college campus, admittedly.) it was because they'd done this so many times that jihoon felt as comfort again, like everything was ok. the thoughts of his unreciprocated love were blocked out by the sounds of lee chan shouting obscenities at his $25 microwave and the loud "oomf" of park woojin being crushed by his many blankets.

"hey, you're smiling again!" mark grinned from beside him, "crying doesn't suit you, you know?"

"damn right, you look ugly when you cry." came woojin's sudden response. as he began having a go at mark for not helping him with the blankets ("you're strong enough to carry them all, what's the problem" "the problem is, markus minhyung lee, that every single one of these fuckers crushed me a minute ago and you didn't even think of coming to my aid!") , jihoon laughed to himself. his friends were total but nutcases, but they were also his home. everything felt at peace once again.

jinyoung's new crush would just have to wait until tomorrow morning, when this warm feeling faded and gets forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for keeping up with this fic! i have GCSE exams in a few weeks but i'm praying this doesn't slow down to much
> 
> also, that light angst tag is probably an understatement with some of the things to come


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to say he'd moved on from jinyoung was a complete lie. he was all jihoon ever thought about these days. lying was necessary though.
> 
> who knows? maybe if he said it enough times, his feelings for jinyoung would fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter seems shorter than the usual but i can't actually tell
> 
> :P

☆ 

［lai guanlin to: park jihoon. - 10:09am.］

**guanlin** : hi hyung!  
 **guanlin** : can i ask you something?

**jihoon** : hey guanlin  
 **jihoon** : sure

**guanlin** : ok  
 **guanlin** : didn't think i'd get this far tbh

**jihoon** : what is it?

**guanlin** : ok  
 **guanlin** : remember what you said before? about you not wanting to talk   
**guanlin** : about jinyoung and your feelings

**jihoon** : oh. right  
 **jihoon** : yeah, i do

**guanlin** : you didn't say flat out then but i wanted to ask  
 **guanlin** : do you like jinyoung?

**jihoon** :  
 **jihoon** : i did

**guanlin** : ... did

**jihoon** : yeah. did.  
 **jihoon** : but ik hes never gonna see me that way  
 **jihoon** : so i moved on  
 **jihoon** : yeeted away from him, as u kids say  
 **jihoon** : we'll only ever be friends i guess

**guanlin** :  
 **guanlin** : you mean it?

**jihoon** : yeah  
 **jihoon** : course ido   
**jihoon** : why wouldnt i

**guanlin** : ok then  
 **guanlin** : thanks for telling me hyung!  
 **guanlin** : have a nice day!

**jihoon** : u too

☆

to say he'd moved on from jinyoung was a complete lie. he was all jihoon ever thought about these days. lying was necessary though.

who knows? maybe if he said it enough times, his feelings for jinyoung would fade.

☆

later that day, him and jinyoung had agreed to set up a little movie marathon between the both of them. it was spontaneous but hey, he had no work + homework to cry over so why not? jihoon deserved to treat himself, even if it meant making himself slightly sadder with his hopeless crush.

"wanna watch a horror movie? niel hyung bought me a fuckload of them." jihoon asked, looking through his cursed movie/dvd pile. honestly, he had no idea what he owned but still, sorting it felt too exhausting.

"i don't mind." came the bland response. stopping his movie search, jihoon took a glance at jinyoung; there was clearly something else bothering him now. ever since he entered the apartment, the younger boy seemed a lot more detached than usual; it reminded jihoon a lot of the way guanlin and seonho described him to be after the breakup. jinyoung just wasn't emotionally there.

he would've asked, truly, but he stopped himself.

it was probably something he wasn't prepared to know yet.

he made a mental note to ask jinyoung over text later.

"...we could always watch deadpool or something, if you'd prefer that." he lowered his voice cautiously, hoping jinyoung would respond more enthusiastically this time.

"i don't mind." the other boy was too lost in thought to answer properly. sighing, jihoon muttered out a small "fuck it" before putting deadpool into the dvd player. he'd seen it before but hey, what good was a movie night if you can't recite a few quotes from the film? (it either pissed off or freaked his friends out, which jihoon loved a bit too much.)

joining him on the couch, jihoon covered the both of them with one of his many gigantic blankets. unconsciously, he ended up moving closer to jinyoung as the movie started; before he knew it, his head was resting in the crook of jinyoung's neck. the boy immediately tensed up at this, making jihoon retract himself.

"sorry, i didn't mean to-" he wanted to slap himself for not realising what he was doing. nice try park jihoon, your gay feelings are taking over you!

"no no it's fine," jinyoung babbled out, voice thankfully less emotionless now, "i-it's fine, you can rest here again." jihoon did just that.

as they watched the movie, jihoon found himself thinking more about what just happened rather than the actual film itself (sorry ryan renolds!) he'd been laying on jinyoung's shoulder for around 25 minutes now and the boy had remained completely stationary since. really, even his breathes seemed controlled.

he'd reacted so violently before though with that strong flinch. was he mad at jihoon or something? skinship never seemed to scare him before. taking another look at jinyoung, said boy seemed equally conflicted as him.

yeah, something was definitely up. he had to ask later, even if the answer would probably upset him.

☆

［park jihoon to: bae jinyoung. - 8:50pm.］

**jihoon** : hey   
**jihoon** : u ok?

**jinyoung** : oh, hi hyung  
 **jinyoung** : i guess so  
 **jinyoung** : why

**jihoon** : u were clearly upset earlier  
 **jihoon** : i wont force you to talk abt it but just know im always here to talk :P

**jinyoung** : thanks  
 **jinyoung** : it's nothing really though  
 **jinyoung** : just crush problems

**jihoon** : oh!  
 **jihoon** : u have a crush?

**jinyoung** : yeah  
 **jinyoung** : i do

**jihoon** : oh  
 **jihoon** : well i hope evrything goes well for you!  
 **jihoon** : bye jinyoung

**jinyoung** : bye hyung


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "he likes someone," jihoon chuckled bitterly, "and that someone isn't me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is tagged as slow burn but it will start to pick up soon! i planned this to be like 25-ish chapters or somewhere around there
> 
> :P

☆ 

"it's official, i'm failing life." daehwi groaned, opting to stuff his face into his poor biology book. the three of them sat at the table, books and stationary practically everywhere; jihoon was just thankful the library had study rooms so no one else was witness to this utter mess.

as soon as he got the words out, daehwi was hit over the head with one of the other books, shocking even jihoon.

"snap out of it, pessimistic pussy!"

"jisung," daehwi put his hands together, glaring at the youngest, "what the actual fuck is wrong with you?"

"if only we knew..." jihoon added, before whining out in pain as jisung hit him with the book. it was moments like this, he thought, that made him genuinely fear children. jisung may have been the same age as jinyoung and daehwi, but the kid could be terrifying, when he wasn't lost in daydream (spoiler alert: which was most of the time.)

"anyways, how is life going for the both of you?" daehwi asked, usual positivity seeming to have returned.

"things have been decent on my part," jisung shrugged, flipping absentmindedly through a biology guide, "daniel hyung reaffirmed me as his favourite dongsaeng."

"really?" daehwi gasped, mock horror written on his face, "but you're like the devil reincarnate?!"

"devil or not, daniel hyung loves me and one day, you will too."

watching his dongsaengs bicker together, jihoon smiled to himself. it was nice having his friends around, especially after before...

they hadn't spoken about it exactly. nobody had pressed him for answers, instead sending him small words of encouragement after because they cared. truly, jihoon felt too lucky sometimes with his friendship group. being with them made him less sad about everything: jinyoung liking someone else, the fact he didn't feel like he could help the younger boy properly...

in the end, park jihoon was hopelessly pining, despite being destined to get hurt. thoughts like this weren't too bad when he was with his friends but alone? they stung. he felt guilty for his feelings, lonely remembering that jinyoung probably had someone he wanted to hold dearly that wasn't him, could never be him...

"-what about you hyung?" daehwi suddenly piped up, giving him a hopeful stare.

"...what?"

"your life," jisung helped, playing with the pencil in his hand, "is it going swimmingly?"

oh, right.

jihoon could've lied about it then and there. he could've given these two boys a fake, yet optimistic smile as he described how amazing everything was going.

instead, he did not lie. he could not lie at this point, for he was too far gone.

"it's going shitty." he stated, no trace of humour or usual sarcastic flair in his voice. even without looking up, he could just tell the looks daehwi and jisung were giving each other: the mutual, unspoken concern.

"why is it going shitty?" daehwi asked; if he'd changed tone to make jihoon feel better, he hadn't noticed it.

"crushes," he sighed, "fucking suck."

a small, uncomfortable silence followed before jisung finally decided to speak his mind.

"what's up with that?" the youngest questioned, pencil now abandoned on the table, "your crush on the jinyoung boy, yknow."

"he likes someone," jihoon chuckled bitterly, "and that someone isn't me."

looking up at his dongsaengs, he expected jisung to look confused. honestly, the boy wasn't the best at dealing with his own emotions, let alone other's; that's why his confusion and slight concern didn't come as a shock to jihoon.

on the other hand, the look on daehwi's face...he couldn't decipher. this is the point where he would try to make a guess based on all the other faces lee daehwi had pulled in his lifetime (like rounding, but with facial expressions) but this time, the boy's face was simply unreadable.

"did he tell you he liked someone else?" jisung asked again, due to daehwi's sticking to silence.

"no, but i can tell." he stated, as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

suddenly, daehwi stood up, table and chair making a loud enough sound to echo throughout the room. jihoon and jisung stared at him in alarm as daehwi could only muster up that same indescribable _look,_ staring at the table. in a matter of seconds, his expression had turned into one of equal horror and alarm as he sat back down.

"s-sorry, i think i gotta get going now." he fumbled out, making jihoon slightly more concerned.

"really?" jisung queried, frowning, "you're the one who wanted to revise until this place closed."

"yeah, i know," daehwi mumbled, "i just feel kinda sick all of a sudden." the clear discomfort in the boy's voice halted all thoughts of doubt and confusion in their minds as the duo immediately scrambled their stuff together, not wanting daehwi to suddenly die in front of them (this was a public library after all, and it would be extremely disrespectful to die here of all places.)

"you sure you don't want us to walk you home?" asked jihoon as they left the library. daehwi seemed to look slightly better (though, he hadn't really noticed a change the first place) still, he worried.

"nah, it'll be fine," he smiled, joy not quite reaching his eyes, "jisung and i walk the same way anyways..."

taking this as his ok to leave, jihoon waved the younger boys off before walking the other way. admittedly, he still felt quite worried for daehwi's sake but if he was sure it'd be fine, who was he to question him? anyway, if it was really bad, they wouldn't have heard the end of it from poor daehwi.

he here was now, returning home from a panicked situation to...even more panicking.

trying his best to ignore the anxious thoughts, jihoon plugged in his headphones and proceeded to turn on LAUV's "i like me better" for the trip home. jisung had recommended it to him, funnily enough. while it cancelled out the less than admirable thoughts and fears for a bit, jihoon still couldn't help having his mind drift to the silver haired boy as usual. surely, he had to be tired from running through jihoon's mind 24/7 now.

"i wonder how he's doing..." jihoon mumbled to himself absentmindedly.

☆

"are you ok to walk?" jisung asked, wrapping his arms around daehwi's waist protectively (an act that he would never, ever admit to.), "i'd rather not lug your dying self too far."

"i'll be fine stupid," daehwi grinned, getting a confused look from the other boy, "i'm not actually sick."

a beat of silence before the uttered, "is jihoon hyung really that insufferable to you?"

the older of the two chuckled, "that's not it at all, there's reasoning i swear."

"that is?" the blonde moaned, "we could be doing educational shit right now."

"it's just...i know something i probably shouldn't..." he mumbled, suddenly conscious of the people bustling by, "and i felt awkward after what hyung said."

"you know something about jihoon hyung?" jisung raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

"yes...well, no." he paused, forehead creasing in frustration, "i know something about his crush, jinyoung. he told me something and now i hold too much power for my own good."

"tell me?" jisung offered him up his most persuasive smile, pulling daehwi slightly closer to him.

"you already know i will," he laughed, "but you have to promise not to tell jihoon under _any_  circumstances!"

"i promise!"

"ok," daehwi took in a deep breath, "basically, jinyoung..."

☆

jihoon and jinyoung sat sprawled out on jihoon's sofa watching an episode of catchphrase ( _quality TV, may i add_ ), both covered in one of jihoon's gigantic blankets. they'd been like this for the past hour, regularly talking over the TV to either shout at one of the contestants or to try and guess the phrase together.

for the most part, jinyoung seemed to have recovered from before. his answers were a lot more upbeat and he wasn't lost in thought completely. here they both were, laughing obnoxiously at the contestants failures together. it was as if nothing had changed between them both.

really though, jihoon could sense something had.

"it's sweetheart!" jihoon shouted at the TV, tone more frustrated than ever before, "how are none of them getting it?!"

"not everyone is as smart as you, oh great college student." the younger boy rebutted, making a loud whining sound when jihoon hit him in response.

the show continued on, with jihoon's anger growing every catchphrase. really, it was justified; who wouldn't be able to get the phrase 'just a tick' when the only thing on the screen was a single tick? you didn't need einstein's holy soul to possess you just to guess that one.

"i can't do this man," jihoon sighed, head in his hands, "i'm already stressed enough as it is without this damn show..."

jinyoung snorted in response, patting jihoon on the back, "i understand, wanna change the channel?"

"what would you understand?" came the jokey response, "you're too young for the stresses of life." especially when the stress was being caused by him, anyway.

"a lot." jinyoung stated, smile nonexistent. he'd been joking, but jinyoung genuinely looked offended...amongst other things. the silver haired boy pursed his lips into a thin line before turning back to the screen wordlessly. this was probably jihoon's sign to say something, anything to lessen the tension in the air.

needless to say, nothing else was said.

as catchphrase continued on, jihoon found himself feeling even more awkward. it already felt odd around jinyoung after realising he liked someone else (odd being an utter understatement), so making jokes seemed to be a thing of the past. with him, he knew he was just stressed with the unrequited love. with jinyoung...he wasn't sure.

maybe he was going through the same thing with the boy he liked?

no, of course not. anybody lucky enough to have bae jinyoung like them was certain to fall for him instantly.

forcing down his growing jealousy, jihoon tried to focus on the TV again. the atmosphere was too tense for that though he realised, as his mind was only filled on trying to make things better with jinyoung again.

"hey, sorry if i upset you," he finally got out, "i wasn't being serious, yknow?"

"i-i know, it's alright." jinyoung said, smile not quite reaching his eyes.

this was probably jihoon's sign to drop it and move on with the TV viewing.

you've been reading this for 14 chapters now though; surely, you know jihoon and social cues don't mix.

"are you still stressed from before?" he asked quietly, reminding himself of jinyoung's crush problems, "or did that pass."

"...it's still about before." he mumbled.

"oh." was all jihoon could say, suddenly feeling queasy.

"hyung."

"y-yeah?" he didn't want to know what jinyoung was going to ask him at this point. all he wanted to do was throw himself in the nearest ditch and cry about his stupid feelings alone. if only that was an option.

"have..." jinyoung paused, look wavering somewhat as he spoke, "have you ever been in love?"

yes, with you!

he didn't say that.

he should've though.

instead, jihoon plastered on a fake smile as he answered, "yeah, a long time ago though."

  
"...oh."

both boys sat in uncomfortable silence, eyes refusing to meet as jihoon tried to speak again.

"i-is there a reason why you wanted to know?"

"...i just wanted to know how it felt like for you." the sentence was almost inaudible, but jihoon managed. it kinda baffled him a bit, but he had no choice to explain.

"well, i guess i started focusing more on the small things about them," jihoon answered, eyes refusing to meet jinyoung's, "like their laugh, the things that make them happy and sad, just the sound of their voice in general..." thinking about it, jihoon chuckled to himself. all of these things were attributes he often equated back to jinyoung and his love for the younger boy. kinda fucked up he was here confessing all of this to someone who had no idea he was talking about them.

going off on a tangent for a bit, jihoon stopped himself to change topic slightly, "there's also the way they make you think."

"thinking?" jinyoung queried, tilting his head in confusion.

"yeah, they end up filling your mind," he answered, "one minute, one second...all your thoughts end up relaying back to that one person."

jinyoung didn't say anything more, prompting jihoon to continue.

"constantly i th-" he stopped, almost making the mistake of saying 'think', "i  _thought_  about being with that person, how it'd feel like to hold their hand, hold them, and just be there's, yknow?"

"oh..."

"that's the basic stuff i guess?" he shrugged as nonchalantly as possible, "doubt it helped you though."

"...it did, thanks." the younger boy mumbled. jihoon didn't fail to notice how jinyoung began gripping at the blanket after he finished talking. curse his damned fixations on everyone's habits.

should he have asked jinyoung if he was ok? probably, yes.

there was something preventing him though; that little voice in the back of his mind reminding him that it was probably to do with jinyoung's crush problem stopped all thoughts of questioning altogether. he cared about the younger boy intensely, but he knew it would hurt to learn anymore about this new boy jinyoung had his eyes on.

that boy wasn't him, therefore he inclined not to ask.

rather than talk anymore, both boys turned back to the TV wordlessly. unspoken tension hung in the air for reasons jihoon couldn't exactly explain (from jinyoung's side, anyway) and they didn't seem likely to speak about it either.

stephen mulhern's voice shouting at the contestants was somehow more of an hindrance than the silence jihoon would've had to endure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not sure if anyone outside of britain knows stephen mulhern but trust me when i say the man is a godsend and we all love him


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝"are you park jihoon?" the person asked, face expressionless. he looked to be a man slightly older than jihoon, perhaps seongwoo's age, with neatly combed black hair. the man looked beautiful, sure, but it didn't explain who he was and how the everloving fuck he knew jihoon's name.❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy belated birthday to jinyoung ♡  
> i hope he always remains happy and blessed as always
> 
> also congrats to jisung for getting his driving license!

☆

there came a point where jihoon decided to take matters into his own hands and sort out his damn feelings. here he was, hopelessly in love with jinyoung and what was it doing him? awfully. that's the toll it was having on him. despite his best efforts to try and move on via google searches on "how to move on" and "unrequited love help", jihoon still couldn't abandon his attraction to the younger boy.

it was at times like this where he needed help, and desperately. when all felt hopeless, there was always one person ready to help him.

pressing the call button on one of his contacts, jihoon pressed his phone to his ear. the phone rang twice before eventually-

"hello?" came the usual energetic answer, "jihoon?"

"seongwoo hyung," he breathed a sigh of relief, "i need your help."

when he said that, seongwoo sounded like he was moving rooms to get somewhere more private. the sounds of shuffling came to a halt before he received an answer.

"what's up kiddo?"

"has daniel hyung told you about my crush?" it was best to be blunt with it, he decided, "it's about that."

seongwoo was silent for a few beats before responding, "yeah, he's told me. has something happened?"

"not really, i just think..." jihoon bit his cheek, "i think i need help getting over him before it ruins me."

yet another pause as seongwoo struggled to find the words to help jihoon.

"...have you tried getting over him?"

a laugh, "trust me, i've tried so many times hyung. nothing seems to work."

"oh-" before seongwoo could finish, the sound of a door opening could be heard in the background, accompanied by daniel's loud voice.

"is that niel hyung?"

"yeah it is- i'm on the phone with jihoon!" seongwoo shouted before huffing dramatically.

"hey jihoon!" daniel called, voice as happy as always.

"hi hyung." it was calming to hear seongwoo and daniel's voices at times like this. the both of them were so endlessly optimistic about life and each other that it motivated him.

"...hey, hyungs," jihoon's voice suddenly lowered, halting the bickering lovebirds voices, "why can't i be more like you guys?"

"what do you mean?" daniel asked, frown evident by his tone.

"yknow, _in love_  happily," he chuckled bitterly, "not pining over someone who will never like me."

there was an uncomfortable silence on the other side of the phone, making jihoon instantly regret his words. maybe he was being too honest with this.

"...look, jihoon," seongwoo finally spoke, voice significantly softer than usual, "only _you_  can make yourself get over jinyoung. if you know he doesn't like you back, you can only move from there..."

"i know that." he mumbled, clutching his phone tighter.

"ong's right, you have to make yourself get over him," daniel added, "you will find love one day, but not if you keep up like this-

we're worried about you jihoon. we all are."

letting daniel's admission sink in, jihoon immediately felt guilty. he was worrying everyone with this, with his stupid crush. sure, he'd realised everyone's fearful looks whenever he brought up jinyoung but he'd ignored them, not wanting to acknowledge how his sadness was affecting everyone else too.

what was he meant to do now?

"-jihoon?" seongwoo's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, "are you still there?"

"...yeah, i'm here."

"just know that we're all here for you if you need to talk, alright?" he whispered, "don't let this crush ruin you, jihoon."

that was the last thing he said before jihoon hung up, not wanting to hear anymore.

their words had helped him, despite them probably not thinking so. jihoon had thougjt about it a lot afterwards, but from what daniel and seongwoo had said, he figured it was time to make a change. nobody else could get him over jinyoung apart from himself. it was up to _him_  to stop loving the younger boy, no one else.

with that mentality in mind, jihoon put his phone down, smiling weakly to himself. he knew what he had to do.

☆

it was yet another late shift of working at the store, and jihoon was exhausted. he'd already had to deal with a bunch of annoying customers and it was taking all of his strength not to bolt out the store.

the perks of being a broke college student, he supposed.

it was a little bit past 7pm and the store was mostly empty, save from a few people browsing in silence; jihoon took this as his time to half study before anyone came up wanting to buy anything. everything seemed to be going fine, he was undisturbed and working in peace. he was so peaceful that he didn't notice the sound of the bell, indicating a new customer had walked in.

rather than start browsing the store, this person went straight up to jihoon at the counter, prompting him to look up.

"are you park jihoon?" the person asked, face expressionless. he looked to be a man slightly older than jihoon, perhaps seongwoo's age, with neatly combed black hair. the man looked beautiful, sure, but it didn't explain who he was and how the everloving fuck he knew jihoon's name.

"...yes?" kids, don't ever give your name to people you don't know. jihoon had just broken that golden rule and immediately began cursing himself.

"thank god..." the older man muttered under his breath, sparing jihoon a comforting look, "i'm not here to harm you, i'm a friend of jinyoung's."

oh?

calmed down significantly from the sudden confession, jihoon asked, "what's your name?"

"minhyun, hwang minhyun," a pretty name for a pretty person, he decided, "jinyoung's a close friend of mine, he talks about you a lot."

"oh, really?" jihoon held back a smile at that, "what do you need though?"

"well," minhyun's warm smile had been replaced with a worried frown, "i wanted to talk to you about how jinyoung's been acting recently."

jinyoung's behaviour recently had been concerning, of course. he chalked it down to crush issues, though he hated to think about it anymore. he didn't know jinyoung had been acting off with other people though. maybe this was more worrying than he thought.

"...what about it?" he asked cautiously.

"it's just... he's more snappy than usual," minhyun explained, "he's even more irritable when i try to tell him that we're all concerned too."

"oh..."

"he won't tell me exactly what's going on either so all i can do is watch from the sidelines..." he sighed, visibly stressed, "a part of me hoped you would be able to help."

"...d-do you not know anything about it?" stuttering, nice jihoon. really playing it cool.

"well, he did mention a crush before," minhyun answered, clearly trying to be cautious about his words, "but i'm not sure if that's..." trailing off, he didn't meet jihoon's eyes.

"he...mentioned love to me," jihoon piped up, catching minhyun's attention, "i think he's in love with someone...that's why he's being so off."

"love..." minhyun mumbled to himself, growing even more worried by the second.

"i don't know who with, but i think it's unrequited...from the way he talked about it."

"oh." the older of the two breathed out, at a loss for words.

"i... i don't know _how_  to help, minhyun-ssi." jihoon frowned, trying to get off the topic completely. thinking about the crush made him feel miserable, so talking about it was like a whole new level of sadness.

"that's alright, i think you already have." minhyun stated, "i'll be taking my leave now."

"o-oh, ok." jihoon stumbled, "it was nice meeting you?"

"likewise, jihoon." minhyun nodded before leaving the store and, ultimately, jihoon in complete confusion.

putting his head down in his hands, jihoon made a small sound of anguish. his feelings for jinyoung truly were impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little explanation here: my exams start in 3 days and will last around a month (probably idk) so updates will be sparse :< if i have time, i'll probably still upload to the ficlet list though
> 
> i promise this fic is still alive though :D


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon knew now what he had to do. even if it hurt, it was his only choice.
> 
> i'm sorry, jinyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is where that angst tag comes in :-)  
> (it won't last too many chapters though, especially since i actually know where i'm going w this now)

☆

once again, jihoon was at a crossroad.

after speaking to minhyun, he began to think a lot more about the situation at hand. here he was, hopelessly pining over jinyoung and for what? all it was doing was making him feel worse about himself. it was only a matter of time before jinyoung realised his feelings and-

no, don't think like that. he wouldn't let jinyoung find out about his feelings. he refused to give the younger boy reason to despise him, especially when he couldn't change it.

jihoon reflected on the numerous conversations he'd had with his friends. seongwoo and daniel had told him to get over jinyoung, for his well-being were more important than a stupid crush. hyeop had made him know that nobody wanted to see him hurt because of this; the others had all confirmed this too. it was obvious that everyone was worried about him at this point, and jihoon wasn't sure how to take it.

that being said, just how was he supposed to get over jinyoung? he'd already acknowledged the fact that the other boy was already crushing over someone else and yet, his feelings were still as strong as ever. he couldn't help but want to reach out and grab at jinyoung's hands on their walks through the park, nor could he stop his eyes drifting to the younger boy's lips when he spoke, wondering just how soft his lips could feel upon his. it both brightened his day and darkened his thoughts to think about jinyoung. the boy was ethreal, an absolute delight to be around. he wanted the best for everyone, loved making others laugh unintentionally. jinyoung was everything and more...

he wasn't jihoon's though.

said boy was already going through a lot anyway, with his own crush problems. jihoon couldn't keep up face with him when he knew jinyoung liked another. it hurt. he was in too deep, by anybody's standards. staying by jinyoung's side despite his feelings for him just felt wrong; jinyoung deserved somebody who could listen to his woes without feeling jealous or bitter. that person wasn't jihoon.

it was then jihoon realised what he had to do.

everyone's words drifted around in jihoon's mind, making his decision more concrete.

"only _you_  can make yourself get over jinyoung. if you know he doesn't like you back, you can only move from there..." _seongwoo_.

"we're worried about you jihoon. we all are." _daniel._

"we're just worried 's all, no one wants to see you get hurt." _hyeop._

"you'll end up getting hurt, y'know?" _mark._

"move on and find someone who'll like you back!" _woojin._

"no one wants to see you hurt by this hyung." _daehwi._

sighing softly, jihoon made a mental note to thank all of his friends for their advice. they didn't know it, but they had all helped him reach this conclusion.

jihoon knew now what he had to do. even if it hurt, it was his only choice.

**i'm sorry, jinyoung.**

☆

"hyung!" jinyoung waved jihoon over, "hey!"

jihoon had planned ahead, asking jinyoung to meet up with him in their usual location at the park. it was a warm, spring afternoon, nary a cloud in the sky. the perfect weather to confess, he thought.

"hey, did you wait long?" jihoon asked, clutching his phone in his hands.

"a bit, but that's fine," the other boy shrugged, "do you wanna walk through the park?"

"...actually, i can't." came the small reply.

"hm?"

it was at this point, jihoon truly was at a crossroads. jinyoung looked so happy which was rare for him with his recent melancholy. his whole being glowed under the sunlight, like the gods had recognised him as the chosen pure one for the day. even as he gave jihoon a questioning look, he still looked as adorable as ever. jinyoung tilted his head in confusion, giving jihoon a concerned smile.

"what's wr-"

it was now or never.

"i can't keep being your friend, jinyoung." there it was.

the way jinyoung's expression changed was almost comical; the small, joyous smile had been wiped off completely and replaced with a look of disbelief and something else jihoon couldn't put his hands on.

"wh..." jinyoung took a deep breath in an attempt to keep it all together, "what are you talking about?"

"i said what i said," he deadpanned, "we can't be friends anymore."

the words sounded wrong in jihoon's mind, for he didn't want to have to say them in the first place. still, this was the only conclusion he could see working. rather than tell jinyoung how he felt and risk being hated, it was better to leave it like this and make sure the younger boy never knew how just pathetic he was. it was irreversible, sure, but how else was he supposed to get over jinyoung? he was in way too deep for the feelings to just go away.

there was an uncomfortable silence as jihoon refused to look the silver haired boy in the eyes; it would just make him feel worse about this whole thing, and possibly run the risk of telling him everything.

"...w-was it something i did?" came the quiet reply. if jihoon didn't know any better, jinyoung was tearing up. that voice waver was unmistakable. still, he couldn't go back. not now.

"we just can't be friends." he stated, "i can't keep on like this."

"but why?!" jinyoung shouted, anger and vulnerability clear in his voice, "what have i done hyung?"

without realising it, he'd started tearing up as well. eyes rooted to the ground, jihoon finally whispered out, "i don't want to be around you anymore." it didn't matter how quietly he'd said it, by the immediate sob that pierced his ears, jihoon was certain jinyoung had heard.

"h-hyung...please."

tears rolled down jihoon's face but he refused to break. this was the right decision, he kept telling himself before he spoke again.

"i'm..." the word sorry lingered on his tongue but jihoon shook his head, "i'm not going to contact you from now on, o-okay?"

"of course it isn't okay!" he cried out, "jihoon hyung ple-"

"that's all i wanted to say." jihoon bit his lip, looking down at the teardrop stains he'd left on the floor, "bye, jinyoung."

instead of attempting to keep his cool, jihoon ran; the more jinyoung tried to call out to him, the faster he ran out of the park. he kept on running until the shouting had faded from his ears. now, all jihoon could hear were his own weeping.

the conversation was brief but ultimately, jihoon had done what he'd set out to do. if he continued being around jinyoung and pretended everything was fine then he'd end up feeling worse, therefore cutting him off seemed like the right thing to do. if jinyoung wasn't around him then he could actually move on. jihoon could find someone to love him back and then perhaps jinyoung would want to hear him out; maybe they could return to how they once were afterwards...

for now though, jihoon and jinyoung were no more. jinyoung had his own friends who would support him and his crush genuinely, rather than harbour silent resentment. it was for the best. jihoon was doing this for him as well, even if he wasn't aware of it.

musing to himself like this, jihoon was snapped back into reality by his phone buzzing intensely. he'd silenced all notifications before but his phone had given up, he presumed. hesitantly, jihoon opened his kakaotalk app and, of course, was greeted with a fluster of texts.

...

［yoo seonho to: park jihoon. - 4:38pm.］

**seonho** : hyung  
 **seonho** : consider yourself lucky i'm still using honorifics you fucking dick  
 **seonho** : why would you do that to jinyoung?  
 **seonho** : did you ever care about him??  
 **seonho** : at least offer up a fucking explanation park jihoon!! abandoning someone like that is such a shitty thing  
 **seonho** : you know what? i'm over it  
 **seonho** : don't contact jinyoung again  
 **seonho** : at least maybe then he'll see just how bad of a person you actually are  
 **seonho** : bye jihoon

...

［lai guanlin to: park jihoon. - 4:40pm.］

**guanlin** : so, jinyoung just texted us saying you ended your friendship w him? wtf???  
 **guanlin** : he trusted you, jihoon  
 **guanlin** : so why do this?  
 **guanlin** : why leave without an explanation??  
 **guanlin** : did you even think about him?  
 **guanlin** : if he ends up closing himself off again, i s2g....  
 **guanlin** : jinyoung is a lovely person and i hope you regret this. he liked you a whole lot   
**guanlin** : bye. jinyoung is blocking you. as are we.

...

getting back home, the first thing jihoon did was slump against the back of his apartment door. nothing was stopping his tears from flowing clearly now, his whines loud and strong. his phone kept on buzzing, but he didn't want to acknowledge it anymore. jihoon was fine sitting here and crying, for it was an action as pathetic as him.

...

［hyeop reclaims the gc (10) - 5:00pm.］

**daehwi** : shit  
 **daehwi** : jihoon hyung

**changbin** : what is it?

**chan** : is everything ok?

**daehwi** : jinyoung's friend just texted me  
 **daehwi** : jihoon hyung just ended their friendship

**jisung** : ^^   
**jisung** : seonho just msged me abt it too  
 **jisung** : jinyoung is still crying

**changbin** : wtf

**woojin** : @jihoon wat did u do

**daehwi** : hyung???  
 **daehwi** : is he online

**mark** : jihoon, respond please  
 **mark** : we're all worried

**changbin** : god

**hyeop** : ji  
 **hyeop** : cmon dude pick up  
 **hyeop** : if jinyoungs cryin idk how you're takin this

**woojin** : hes not comin online

**changbin** : fuck

**mark** : jihoon

**jisung** : hyung  
 **jisung** : what do we do...

**daehwi** : idk

**chan** : @jihoon we just wanna know that you're ok

**daniel** : i just turnt on my phone omg  
 **daniel** : jihoon! check ur msgs

**woojin** : ...  
 **woojin** : just respond when u see these msgs, ok?  
 **woojin** : were all here fr u

**mark** : <3

**jisung** : we hope you're ok

**daehwi** : ^^ :(

...

head buried in his hands, jihoon couldn't stop thinking about everything. the way jinyoung's face did a complete 180° when he announced he didn't want to see him anymore. the way jinyoung demanded an answer, blaming himself in the process. the way jinyoung cried when he repeated it. the way the jinyoung called out for him as he continued to run without stop.

and, more importantly, the fact he didn't look back. not even once.

at least now he could try getting over him, though, nothing about this felt right at all. in fact, jihoon felt even worse than he did before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to mention: ongniel are 2 years older than the 99 gang in this whilst jinyoung, daehwi, jisung, guanlin and seonho are a year younger ^^
> 
> seonho is a rlly sweet lad btw, he's just mad on jinyoung's behalf :(


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝the other boy though...he knew all too well. jihoon's blood ran cold as he could only stop in his tracks.
> 
> smiling bashfully at the unknown boy, in all his glory, was bae jinyoung.❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may have a week and a bit left of exams but that won't stop me from breaking wanna one out of swing ent and YMC for good

☆

"yo, my winkie!" jihoon resisted the urge to cry as he turned around to the source of the cursed call.

"you're the biggest pain in my neck park woojin." wrapping his arm around his best friend, woojin led jihoon out of their shared lecture hall and outside. the other students bustled by at a fast pace but woojin made sure to tread lightly. truth be told, everyone had been treading lightly around jihoon recently.

it'd been 2 weeks.

he hadn't spoken to or even seen jinyoung in 2 weeks. that was 14 days. 336 hours...

ok, maybe he'd been overthinking.

it wasn't as if he had the opportunity to talk to jinyoung anyway. true to their words, seonho and guanlin had gotten the younger boy to block him and stop seeing him. he hadn't set foot in the store since (according to jiwoo and sunwoo, anyway) and hadn't tried to reach out to him at all. in tow, jihoon had stopped walking back through the park after college and/or his job, not wanting to run the risk of running into jinyoung and telling him _everything._

it was tragic, yes, but jihoon liked to think everything was ok. he was still the same old park jihoon, just this time without the presence of bae jinyoung in his life. he had no justification to feel bad about not having the happy-go-lucky boy in his life when he was the one who cut him out in the first place.

"... you ok?" woojin asked, voice cautious.

"of course i am!" jihoon laughed, "why wouldn't i be?"

chancing a glance at woojin, he immediately regretted it as said boy shot him a look full of concern and knowing worry. he knew well why he'd be worried (especially with how well woojin knew him) but he didn't dare say any more on the topic.

"..." the snaggletoothed boy tried to find the words to say, "wanna go and eat? the others are waiting for us." his attempts at diverting the subject didn't go unnoticed by jihoon, although he didn't comment on it.

"sure, why not."

as they finally met up with the others, jihoon watched as their gazes softened around him. changbin stopped his conversation mid-sentence with mark to ask him how he was (he was almost 100% certain it was about his crush too), whilst everyone else's attention landed on him.

"how are you today, jihoon?" changbin asked.

"i'm fine...?" well, in the words of kim seokjin, things couldn't get more uncomfortable than this, "just a little tired, i suppose."

sending him a sympathetic smile, mark said, "that's good, that you're feeling fine." an awkward thank you later and the others lapsed back into their usual conversations. changbin had switched topic (from that felix kid, he was certain) to start an argument over some game though jihoon wasn't listening too well.

"-i'm sure ji agrees with me!" woojin suddenly shouted, grinning expectantly at his best friend.

"...huh?" you know that feel when you get called on by the teacher because you've obviously not been listening? the really uncomfortable and guilty feeling you get afterwards: jihoon was feeling that x10.

"fortnite is a better game than PUBG." woojin repeated himself.

"oh...yeah, it is." truth be told, jihoon couldn't remember the last time he'd played any game; he could never be bothered, even if he had spare time.

"see, what did i say?"

"that's bullshit and you know it!" chan shouted back, immediately being backed up by hyeop. it was then the argument became more heated (it was still banter though, of course) and woojin looked just about ready to throw his overly expensive textbook at chan's head. this usually happened within their friendship group and it was funny to watch.

at least, it was meant to be.

for some reason, jihoon was finding it hard to find any laughter in the situation. as much as he wanted to laugh, all of him just screamed to get away and bury his thoughts in something else.

"as much as i hate to weigh in here, i have to," he heard mark state, articulated as ever, "minecraft alone triumphs both games, change my mind." as the group erupted into laughter and more arguing, jihoon found himself just sitting in silence and watching on. once upon a time, he would've been joining in with them. unfortunately, nothing seemed to interest said boy anymore.

something had changed inside of him.

if only he knew what.

☆

ok, maybe that was a lie. jihoon knew perfectly well what had changed, even though he refused to admit it out loud.

whenever he worked shifts, new people would come in and buy whatever they could; he was made to scan _a lot_  of weird shit that reminded him of jinyoung. his mind would always drift to the thought of "this looks like something jinyoung would like."

in fact, everything he did came back to bae jinyoung.

walks through the park made him think of the younger boy always meeting him at _their place_ , watching the people go by and laughing at their day. certain songs reminded him of jinyoung (especially untitled by simple plan, for some godforsaken reason) which instantly landed themselves in the "to be skipped" pile. lying in bed draped in wads of blankets were reminiscent of jinyoung's hug warmth. hell, jihoon couldn't even watch catchphrase without thinking of the younger boy (sorry, stephen mulhern.)

forgetting someone who meant a lot to you was a hard thing to do, especially when you had fallen head over heels for said person. of course, jihoon didn't expect himself to heal overnight and move on.

still, his heart wasn't exactly trying to move on.

a part of him yearned to find the boy loved and tell him exactly how he felt, despite all the consequences that would follow. maybe then it wouldn't make him wonder constantly about how things would've panned out if he'd taken the risk and talked to jinyoung...

things like that were stupid now, he thought to himself. jihoon just had to accept that he was in too deep at this point and _actually_  attempt to stop his feelings, regardless of how difficult it was.

☆

a week later, jihoon's worst nightmare came true.

no, not the one where he discovers daniel's fursuit (god forbid), the other one: seeing jinyoung again.

it was after his shift had ended around 7-ish; jiwoo had walked out with him briefly before her roommate had called, causing her to frantically shout a farewell and sprint to her apartment. from that point onwards, jihoon decided to plug in his earphones and continue walking. his alternate route home took an extra 20 minutes but something in him just couldn't be bothered to add on the extra time today. sighing, he decided to cut through the park like he used to.

what was the worst that could happen?

the park was slightly more full than it used to be at this time, with several couples and students walking through together. shoving his hands into his pockets, jihoon pouted to himself. a part of him felt a little lonely and annoyed at jiwoo for abandoning him, though the feeling quickly faded as something new overtook him.

there, amongst the many couples walking through the park, stood two teenage boys from the school up the road. one of the boys was unknown to him, but seemed to be laughing at something the other had said to him. the other boy though...he knew all too well. jihoon's blood ran cold as he could only stop in his tracks.

smiling bashfully at the unknown boy, in all his glory, was bae jinyoung.

he was beautiful as ever, he noted, before pushing the thought out of his mind. jihoon prepared to keep walking on, pretend this hadn't happened but the gods didn't seem to be on his side today. jinyoung's eyes drifted away from his friend and unfortunately landed on jihoon's, his shy smile instantly fading. he wasn't exactly sure what expression had taken over jinyoung's face ( _anger? sadness? **longing??**_ ) but he sure as hell wasn't prepared to stick around long enough to figure it out.

awkwardly, jihoon turned his head away and kept on walking. never once did he look back, despite the nagging longing in his mind to do so. the entire walk back home, jihoon kept his eyes on the floor. it wasn't as if he'd missed anything anyway, for jinyoung had made it a point to avoid him too.

when jihoon walked through his apartment door, he wasn't sure how he was feeling anymore. he could say that he felt like he was drowning, that all the wind had been knocked out of him by seeing jinyoung again and still feeling the same. the other part of him could say he had just experienced some form of closure in the fact that jinyoung had ignored him as well, and that it was certain from this point onwards they would never be _anything_  again (though, were they really anything in the first place?).

"your black eyes that only saw me  
your nose that held the sweetest breath  
your lips that whispered-"

as taeyang's 'eyes, nose and lips' bounded through his earphones, jihoon's feelings became more obvious to himself.

☆

［hyeop reclaims the gc (10) - 10:03pm.］

**daehwi** : :-)

**daniel** : wassup hwi?

**chan** : yeah  
 **chan** : that smiley is rlly fuckin mysterious

**daehwi** : i'm just feeling :-) rn

**daniel** : y??

**daehwi** : _reasons_  
 **daehwi** : i just really want to punch a person in the face and make him see sense  
 **daehwi** : two people actually  
 **daehwi** : dense motherfuckers...

**chan** : ... mysterious, whom

**daehwi** : i'll tell you some other day hyung

**daniel** : aww now i want to know more!!

**jisung** : shady   
**jisung** : and for once i'm in the know

**daehwi** : :-)

**jisung** : **:-)**

**daniel** : nah idk  
 **daniel** : u better tell me tho!

**daehwi** : one day _:-)_

**chan** : im goin to sleep  
 **chan** : gdnight weirdass kiddos + daniel hyung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story will have around 20/21 chapters (the happy parts are coming soon, i swear!) thanks for sticking around for this long and i hope you're all well :>


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝...he, park jihoon, was so hopelessly in love with bae jinyoung and that there was no getting over him.❞
> 
> or, rather, daehwi finally confesses what we've all known this entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer here: i love arin (from oh my girl), that's why i used her in this, she'll probably not pop up again
> 
> also: jiwoo (chuu) and hyunjin are from loona, and sunwoo is from the boyz ~

☆ 

work was never a barrel of laughter for jihoon.

he met loads of oddballs everyday including, but not limited to: a group of preschoolers who threatened to 'kick his ass', an old lady who attempted to return an open cup of yoghurt (she demanded to see the manager for a good hour, have mercy), a kid who looked a lot like him and, lest he forget, a man who demanded his best sunflower seeds, accompanied by two lizards on either shoulder.

whilst he joked about those kind of customers with jiwoo and sunwoo a lot, he didn't find them nearly as entertaining as he once would've.

jinyoung was funnier to be around.

too bad he never came into the store anymore.

"so what?" jihoon thought to himself; his contract only had a month or so left, then he'd be out of this job for good. just a few weeks before he could bust out of this hellish part-time job (only...to find another one...). everything would be fine!

still, he clearly recalled the job being a lot more amusing whenever jinyoung showed up. even after the break up with naeun, jinyoung would come in and simply chat to jihoon. as much as he loved denial, there was no contest in the fact that he did miss jinyoung's presence in the shop.

~~he missed jinyoung's presence, full stop.~~

the more it weighed on his mind, the more shocked jihoon found himself. he didn't expect to miss the younger boy around him _this_  much.

"jihoon?" he was brought out of his thoughts by a concerned looking jiwoo, "everything alright? you look sadder than usual."

"i'm fine-" he stumbled out, "wait, than _usual?"_

she nodded, "you've just been down the past few weeks. if it's to do with that boy, he still hasn't come back here."

"oh..." jihoon sighed to himself, instantly feeling even more upset at that knowledge, "it's nothing, but thanks anyway."

as said girl teetered off to go and help the new recruit (hyunjin, was it?) , jihoon couldn't help thinking about _that boy_  and just why he was feeling more upset about this than ever before.

he wasn't an idiot, unfortunately.

jihoon knew exactly why he felt the way that he did and he hated himself for it.

☆

he tried to move on, he really did.

a pretty girl in one of his lectures by the name of arin confessed to him. they lasted almost a week before she broke it off awkwardly, telling him she was looking for commitment and not just a "pity date." he didn't completely understand her words at first but then it dawned on him. arin was beautiful, of course, but she wasn't _him._

because of how utterly miserable he was, jihoon's friends had even dragged him out to a college party in the hopes he would cheer up, even if it was just a bit.

"you'll have fun, trust us!" hyeop had assured him, not leaving much room for debate.

as soon as he'd got there, he hated it. the music was too loud and with the crowd of people, jihoon found himself just wanting to go home and drown himself in netflix dramas and return of the superman episodes. not to mention, his friends had left him pretty quickly (those traitors.)

he watched as changbin went to indulge in conversation with that felix kid he'd been hearing all about recently, along with a squirrel looking boy. mark and woojin had already presumed the DJ position whilst chan, being the true social butterfly of their group, already made himself welcome with a group of kids from another college. as for hyeop? who knew at this point.

jihoon was alone.

alone = alcohol. (in jihoon's defense, he wasn't exactly a maths major.)

he didn't drink excessively, although he drank enough to at least attempt to forget his woes and troubles. admittedly, jihoon vaguely remembered kissing someone on the cheek and maybe even on the mouth, but it didn't mean enough to him to remember exactly who it was. to jihoon, it wasn't enough. it would never be enough.

to him, despite his best efforts, he could only think about kissing one boy.

jihoon left the party alone, not bothering to tell his friends he'd gone home. they'd be worried but they would be even more worried knowing what made him go home.

no, it wasn't the loud and obnoxious people he was surrounded by.

no, it wasn't mark and woojin playing their respective mixtapes for the nth time.

no, it wasn't the fact he'd kissed someone that day.

it was the realization that he, park jihoon, was so hopelessly in love with bae jinyoung and that there was no getting over him.

☆

［we dem party bois (10) - 7:03am.］

 **daniel** : mornin guys!

 **mark** : hey hyung!

 **daniel** : MARK :D

 **hyeop** : hi hyung!

 **daniel** : hyeop :)

 **hyeop** : THE DISRESPECT

 **daehwi** : good morning!  
**daehwi** : is everyone awake?

 **woojin** : im awake + currently on my morning jog

 **chan** : damn  
**chan** : get urself a man

 **seongwoo** : its a saturday?? @woojin

 **woojin** : leg day never stops hyung <3 :*

 **jisung** : it's so early sleeeeep

 **changbin** : the aussie chan literally shook me awake so here i am :)

 **chan** : _aussie chan?_

 **changbin** : the better chan-

 **hyeop** : fight fight FIGHT

 **woojin** : y'all r messy af

 **mark** : is jihoon asleep?

 **jisung** : great, jihoon hyung is the only person who has common sense  
**jisung** : that's a first for him,,,

 **daehwi** : @jihoon  
**daehwi** : join us ~

 **jihoon** : im awake

 **chan** : yay :-)

 **jihoon** : fuckin wish i wasn't tho

 **chan** : oh :-(

 **daniel** : is everythin ok?

 **mark** : go back to sleep if you're still tired @jihoon

 **jihoon** : that's not it  
**jihoon** : i just hate myself

 **mark** : oh

 **woojin** : whats happened

 **jihoon** : me

 **jisung** : a bit vague but continue

 **jihoon** : why am i such a fucking idiot

 **seongwoo** : :( ?  
**seongwoo** : whatdya mean?

 **changbin** : has smth happened jihoon

 **hyeop** : wait. pause  
**hyeop** : is this abt that jinyoung kid again

 **jihoon** : yeah

 **hyeop** : jihoon, its been a month  
**hyeop** : get over him! god

 **jihoon** : THAT'S MY ISSUE  
**jihoon** : I CAN'T

 **daniel** : ?

 **chan** : what abt arin?

 **jihoon** : we broke up  
**jihoon** : i didn't have any feelings for her anyway  
**jihoon** : she isn't him

 **woojin** : ji.

 **jisung** : :S  
**jisung** : do you still like him?

 **jihoon** : aha  
**jihoon** : i _WISH_ i still liked him

 **hyeop** : wym

 **jihoon** : i think i love him  
**jihoon** : in fact, i KNOW i love him

 **daniel** : oh

 **seongwoo** : christ, jihoon

 **jihoon** : i fucked it all up tho!  
**jihoon** : me n my STUPID BRAIN  
**jihoon** : NOW HE HATES ME  
**jihoon** : AND HERE I AM STILL MISSING HIM LIKE FUCK

 **woojin** : ji

 **jihoon** : I HATE UNREQUITED LOVE GDNIGHT :-)

 **daehwi** : FOR FUCKS SAKE JIHOON  
**daehwi** : SHUT UP

 **mark** : ...?

 **changbin** : @daehwi you forgot the hyung-

 **daehwi** : I KNOW

 **jihoon** : IM EXHAUSTED OK

 **daehwi** : SO AM I  
**daehwi** : HEARING YOU LIKE THIS EVERYDAY

 **jihoon** : I CAN'T GET OVER HIM

 **daehwi** : THEN DON'T!  
**daehwi** : IT'S NOT ONE SIDED FFS!

 **woojin** : oh?

 **chan** : wait, huh

 **jisung** : *me, who has known this for a while* piping hot tea we have here folks

 **jihoon** : what

 **daehwi** : sigh  
**daehwi** : i shouldn't be the one to tell you this shit  
**daehwi** : but you really should talk to him

 **jihoon** : he hates me  
**jihoon** : how the fuck am i gonna talk him

 **daehwi** : he doesn't hate you

 **mark** : how do you know this stuff @daehwi

 **daehwi** : i'm friends with jinyoung  
**daehwi** : just trust me here

 **changbin** : how IS he gonna contact him tho

 **daehwi** : well  
**daehwi** : i'm speaking to guanlin and seonho rn  
**daehwi** : they both need to talk to you @jihoon

 **jihoon** : why...

 **daniel** : because they probably wanna help u out too!  
**daniel** : keep up jihoon

 **chan** : do it! message them!  
**chan** : if u chicken out istg...

 **daehwi** : they've both unblocked you for a reason hyung  
**daehwi** : this is your chance to make things right  
**daehwi** : you'd be a fucking idiot not to take it

 **jisung** : he's right hyung  
**jisung** : speak to guanlinnie and seonho!

 **seongwoo** : i agree

 **daniel** : ahem

 **seongwoo** : WE agree  
**seongwoo** : this rlly could lead to convo with jinyoung again

 **woojin** : u better tell him everything ji  
**woojin** : he deserves to kno  
**woojin** : plus u deserve to kno how he feels

 **mark** : so, jihoon  
**mark** : what are you gonna do?

 **changbin** : ultimatum time

 **jihoon** : ...  
**jihoon** : what i should've done from the start

 **hyeop** : which is?

 **jihoon** : i'm gonna talk to guanlin and seonho  
**jihoon** : but afterwards?  
**jihoon** : im telling jinyoung exactly how i feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the story is almost over! there's at least 2-3 chapters left and I hope it doesn't disappoint lmao
> 
> i only have 1 exam left (physics tmrw) so after that, i'm mostly free to write quicker yay


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝finally taking a step out the door, he was prepared.
> 
> just you wait, bae jinyoung.
> 
> i'm going to tell you exactly how i feel.❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this really is the slowest burn fic i've ever written lmao
> 
> this chapter is sponsored by: lai guanlin's blonde hair and the blessing that is light

☆

［park jihoon to: yoo seonho. - 8:00am.］

 **jihoon** : SEONHO

 **seonho** : hyung  
**seonho** : daehwi spoke to me

 **jihoon** : ik!  
**jihoon** : thanks for unblockin me

 **seonho** : dont mention it  
**seonho** : just speak to _him_  before its too late

 **jihoon** : i will  
**jihoon** : i promise

 **seonho** : good :)

 **jihoon** : sorry btw

 **seonho** : again, dont mention it  
**seonho** : i get where you were coming from slightly so im not as mad

 **jihoon** : thank you, srsly

 **seonho** : tell him how you feel hyung

 **jihoon** : i will!  
**jihoon** : ttyl

 **seonho** : goodbye hyung :) !

☆

［park jihoon to: lai guanlin. - 8:10am.］

 **jihoon** : GUANLIN

 **guanlin** : JIHOON HYUNG  
**guanlin** : YOU _FOOL_

 **jihoon** : im sorry!  
**jihoon** : thanks for unblockin me tho

 **guanlin** : np  
**guanlin** : please just tell jinyoung everything  
**guanlin** : he's not gonna fight you or anythin

 **jihoon** : i want to talk to him  
**jihoon** : idk how tho

 **guanlin** : wym?

 **jihoon** : hes blocked me

 **guanlin** : uh  
**guanlin** : then go and find him in person?  
**guanlin** : confessing over text is boring

 **jihoon** : ...where

 **guanlin** : he's at home atm  
**guanlin** : i'll send you his addresss

 **jihoon** : wait, srsly

 **guanlin** : yh  
**guanlin** : ive hated you for the past month and all  
**guanlin** : i thought you'd gotten over jinyoung! _FOOL_

 **jihoon** : sorry

 **guanlin** : hey, dw  
**guanlin** : please just tell him everything  
**guanlin** : you've both been beating yourself up over this and you both deserve explanations  
**guanlin** : that's why! you should show up to his house  
**guanlin** : he'll let you in if you're sincere

 **jihoon** : ok

 **guanlin** : ［ _sent an address_ ］  
**guanlin** : go there

 **jihoon** : now?

 **guanlin** : uh?? yes??  
**guanlin** : go forth jihoonie hyung!

 **jihoon** : ok!  
**jihoon** : thank you, guanlin

 **guanlin** : np  
**guanlin** : take good care of jinyoung for us ~

☆

this was it. now or never.

it was roughly 10am (leaving the house at 8 in the morning would just be a mortal sin); jihoon had showered, eaten, and already rehearsed what he was going to say to jinyoung over and over again. every time, he'd teared up slightly although jihoon prayed he wouldn't cry in front of jinyoung. that wouldn't be ideal.

he slid on his best hoodie, attempting to look better than he usually did. he'd never admit it, jihoon spent a good half an hour washing his hair and styling it in whatever he deemed sexy enough. taking a look in the mirror, jihoon was forced to realise the gravity of the situation.

would jinyoung even bother to hear him out after all he'd done?

jihoon shook his head, pushing thoughts like that back. he couldn't predict the future; he had no idea whether jinyoung would want to talk to him or not. the only way he could have any chance of knowing this stuff is if he actually did it. it was as guanlin said: if he was sincere then all would go well (or, at least, that's what he liked to think.)

smiling to himself, jihoon finally deemed himself ready to leave. there was 50/50 chance of jinyoung rejecting him, but all he could do was be sincere and honest to him. if jinyoung still hated him at the end of it, then there was nothing more he could do. he'd have to move on. finally taking a step out the door, he was prepared.

_just you wait, bae jinyoung._

_i'm going to tell you exactly how i feel._

☆

it'd taken jihoon around 20 minutes to get to jinyoung's house. low and behold, he lived in the wealthier part of town, already making the elder boy feel completely out of place just being here. still, there was no turning back now.

"jinyoung's house...is it this one?" he mumbled to himself, rechecking the address guanlin had given him. it matched. taking a deep breath in, he cautiously knocked on the door.

one moment passed, no response.

shit...maybe this wasn't the right thing to do. jinyoung had probably left by now, after all he probably had better things to do. resisting the urge to slam his head into the wall, jihoon began to turn around-

"hello-" spinning back around, he was faced with the boy he'd been desperately searching for. there, stood awkwardly at the door, was bae jinyoung. he looked as beautiful as ever, jihoon thought to himself, lips upturning ever so slightly. said boy simply stared at jihoon, utterly stunned; he blinked a few times just to make sure he wasn't dreaming, before finally speaking.

"j-jihoon hyung..." he breathed out, expression more forlorn than anything.

"please, hear me out!" jihoon rushed, before the younger boy could say anything else, "i should've told you everything from the start but...i was scared."

sensing the gravity of the situation, jinyoung wordlessly let the brunette inside. he lead him into a living room. jihoon almost felt small surrounded by such exquisites (this is the upper class life, kids) but he couldn't let it get to him. he was already terrified enough just being in this angel's presence.

"...you were saying?" jinyoung asked timidly.

"i...i can't even express how sorry i am about ending our friendship like that," he sighed, meeting the younger boy's sad eyes, "you didn't deserve any of that."

he was given no time to think as jinyoung immediately rebuttled with, "so then why did you do it?"

"i-" jihoon paused, "since you were with naeun, i haven't been the best of friends to you..."

"...what do you mean?" he was obviously taken back by the statement.

"it's just...i haven't been completely honest with you."

there was an awkward silence as jihoon debated what to say next in his mind. obviously, it was time to come out _(literally)_ with it and confess to jinyoung; there was no turning back from this moment. even though all of him screamed how wrong it was going to go and how jinyoung would hate him, it didn't matter anymore. it wouldn't be fair on him to continue not knowing why their friendship had broken down in the first place, god forbid he blame himself. anyway, in the end, if jinyoung hated him for his feelings, there was nothing he could do.

he'd rather be hated by the boy he loved so dearly than misunderstood.

"i don't remember exactly when it started...but when you were with naeun," the younger boy visibly tensed up, "something in me changed."

"hm?"

"i...shit," it was now or never, "i started having these weird feelings whenever i thought about you or when you were around...like i wanted to always be with you."

jinyoung simply stared at him in complete shock, unable to form any words. jihoon took this as his chance to continue speaking.

"i felt guilty feeling like that, yknow?" he chuckled bitterly to himself, "i was meant to be your friend and yet here i was...feeling like this."

"that feeling never stopped, it just got worse overtime," he carried on, "you were all i could think about most of the time and i couldn't stop thinking about being with you...but then you told me you liked someone."

jinyoung remained silent, only making almost inaudible noises from his awkward sleeve scuffles.

"i mean, i knew you would never feel the same way about me but..." he kept his eyes on the pristine carpet, "i guess that was when it _really_  hit me, you know? i could never call you mine. i guess that's what pushed me over the edge."

"i felt so low, especially since you crushing on someone else didn't change my feelings in the least. my friends started telling me to move on and stop acting like such an emotional wreck so i did, in the worst way possible...i cut you off." the younger boy refused to look him in the eyes when he brought it up. he felt so insecure, so laid-bare but it didn't stop him from talking; this was just a weight off his shoulders, surely.

"it's one of the stupidest things i've ever done and i don't expect you to forgive me," he sighed, finally looking up at jinyoung, "i just couldn't stay knowing i lo-...like you when you were already struggling with your crush. i felt so heartbroken and bitter... you didn't want you to find out so i went ahead and fucked everything up."

"being apart from you was horrible, seriously. no matter what i did, i just kept thinking of you and i hate myself for it. my feelings were getting even worse and then that day...i saw you at the park." jinyoung stiffened, "i guess that boy was your crush? i hope he makes you happy...ah, look at how pathetic i sound..."

jihoon cleared his throat, trying to turn back to the original point, "i don't expect you to forgive me or even want to talk to me after this, but i had to let you know what was going on. i li- no, fuck it, i _love_  you bae jinyoung and i regret all the awful things i've done to you. you only deserve happiness and i'm sorry."

there was an extremely unsettling silence.

that was to be expected, jihoon thought to himself, especially since he'd just splurged out all of his feelings for the younger boy all of a sudden. it was a lot to take in.

jinyoung kept his eyes rooted to the floor for a while longer before finally meeting jihoon's eyes. in that moment, jihoon's heart broke twice over. bae jinyoung was sitting in front of him, trying his hardest not to tear up.

"hyung," the boy paused, biting his bottom lip, "i don't know what to say..."

jihoon was about to say something to try and lighten the mood but instantly stopped himself once he took a better look at the boy sitting in front of him. the silver haired boy's attempts to keep up his barrier of tears had failed him; jihoon watched as the younger boy crumped, instinctively pulling him into his hold.

"i-i felt so _lonely_  hyung!" jinyoung sobbed into his shoulder, his hold around jihoon tightening, "thought...it was all my f-fault!"

fuck, jihoon had really gone and done it now.

as jinyoung babbled incoherently into his hold, jihoon almost found himself crying. he knew he'd hurt the other boy terribly so when he cut off their friendship, but he never acknowledged how bad it had really affected him. god, he was a dick. still, the fact they were hugging must've meant something. jinyoung wasn't pushing him away or shooing him out; on the contrary, said boy was embracing him even more.

once the weeping had subsided, jinyoung didn't move away from jihoon's hug. instead, he finally began to start talking.

"you know...i should've been honest from the start hyung," he started, resting his chin on the older boy's shoulder, "i did start crushing on someone else after naeun...and that person is a boy. i guess you already figured that one out though."

"mhm..."

chuckling to himself softly, he continued, "i understand how you feel too. i can't stop thinking about my crush either. he makes me feel warm inside and out, plus he's helped me out more than he could ever know...i've really liked him for a while."

jihoon listened intently, though he wouldn't be lying if he said he didn't feel somewhat bitter. still, he sounded like a good person. making jinyoung happy was a priority and he was glad someone was out there to do so, even if it wasn't him.

"this entire time, i didn't think he felt the same way i did. i thought he was straight and anyway, even if he wasn't, why would he go for me?" jihoon prepared to protest against that, but jinyoung didn't let him, "he's just such a lovely person and i wanted him to be mine...i almost did get him to be mine..."

"...but then?" he had to ask.

moving out of the hug, jinyoung sat back in his previous place. jihoon shot him a quizzical look, not understanding completely what was about to happen.

"he told me he didn't want to speak to me ever again." jinyoung deadpanned, looking jihoon dead in the eyes. the gaze in his eyes wasn't malicious, of course, but it made jihoon realise.

he was an idiot.

a complete and utter buffoon, i tell you.

"y-you..." he stuttered out, finally making sense of jinyoung's words and stare.

"of course _me,"_ jinyoung smiled, "you're the boy i've been crushing on, jihoon hyung."

the older boy probably looked like a gutted fish. processing the confession, jihoon simply stared at him with his mouth wide open. to say he was shocked would be an utter understatement. park jihoon was speechless, flabbergasted even! bae jinyoung liked him back...

**bae jinyoung liked him back!**

"to be honest, i thought daehwi told you," he laughed uneasily, "i thought you were cutting me off because you were disgusted with me."

"w-what?" the mere suggestion almost made jihoon snort, "i would _never...!"_

it was then, everything began to make sense to park jihoon.

the time daehwi had ranted on the chat about "two dense motherfuckers" and given jihoon dirty looks whenever he complained about his unrequited love, it was all because he _knew._  he'd known about the crush being reciprocated and yet he couldn't say anything, for both of them had sworn him to secrecy. he made a mental note to apologize to daehwi when he got home, plus treat him (and maybe jisung, since he was feeling nice) to ice cream.

"...so, are we back to being friends again?" jinyoung asked, scooting closer to jihoon. the younger boy's smile was so hopeful and wholesome, to the point he almost started crying again.

"i think we are, jinyoung." he smiled back, wiping the other boy's tear tracks again.

"and if i don't want to be?"

jihoon removed his hand, giving jinyoung an almost scandalised expression. had he really given up on him already? he couldn't exactly blame him, sure, the past month had been an absolute mess. he didn't expect him to be so upfront about it though.

"that's fine, i suppose..."

before he could register what was going on, jihoon found his hands enveloped in jinyoung's. he looked up at the other boy, clearly taken aback.

"i don't want to be friends anymore," he mimicked jihoon's voice, "i want to be more than friends...if you're ok with that?"

"ok?" he squaked, "of course! i mean, if you'll have me-"

"i will." he grinned, clutching at jihoon's hands tighter, "i want you to be mine, park jihoon."

this wasn't reality. surely, jihoon was lost in one of his many wistful daydreams right now; any moment now, woojin or changbin would violently shake him awake from his routine lecture naps. jinyoung asking him such a question just couldn't be real.

he'd dreamt about this moment for so long, and it was finally happening.

"i would love to be, bae jinyoung." he answered, genuinely surpriihe didn't stutter mid sentence. two wins in one, he supposed.

pulling him into another hug (this time, without tears), everything felt so surreal. all of the pain and fear he had been bearing for the past month seemed to subside as he embraced jinyoung's warmth. he could get used to this...he /hoped/ he would get used to it.

"i missed you so, so much..." he mumbled into jinyoung's ear.

everything was slowly falling into place once again, and jihoon wouldn't have had it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it wouldn't be a phanstarlight fic without excessive hand holding and crying, afterall
> 
> two chapters left! :P


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i took long to update again sorries, though the last chapter will be up soon! 
> 
> i also have another text AU that i'll post sometime soon, since it's the only fics that i don't incredibly suck at! look forward to that ig

☆

it'd been a month since jihoon and jinyoung were on speaking terms again.

jihoon played oblivious to any change, although his friends didn't. woojin had almost immediately brought up how much happier his best friend seemed, alongside the fact he actually participated in their stupid group arguments now. his angsty romantic texts to the chats had stopped, being replaced by simple angsty college student texts. honestly, his friends were thankful.

yes, jihoon was growing to be back to his old self. him and jinyoung spoke daily about life and met up to walk through the park (even though jihoon's part time job days were over). he still found himself going red whenever the younger boy was around him, but it didn't make him feel guilty anymore. rather, he accepted the emotions with open arms.

the catch?

jihoon and jinyoung aren't dating.

~~well, not yet anyway~~.

since that day the duo made up, neither had asked to be the other's boyfriend or anything on that scale. jihoon personally felt it too soon to ask jinyoung to date him though he'd be lying if the question wasn't on the tip of his tongue every time they met. jinyoung hadn't popped the question either which, really, was pretty weak considering the fact he'd gotten the balls to ask jihoon to "be his" a month prior. the both of them were truly stubborn and shy in their own right, unfortunately.

still, it was clear they both wanted something more.

friends had already mistaken them for a couple several times: jiwoo and hyunjin both shot jihoon knowing winks when they saw them together, minhyun texted jinyoung " _congrats on getting a boyfriend!_ " messages after meeting jihoon for the second time and even changbin's new boyfriend felix had flat-out asked the pair "how long have they been dating?"

jihoon knew he had to ask jinyoung out somehow. the pair were both fully aware that the other reciprocated their feelings and yet, they were too shy. he had to overcome that! he'd been through more terrifying things than this; hell, he lived through woojin's emo phase and _survived,_ jihoon could brave anything!

this was different though...honestly.

if he was going to ask jinyoung to be his boyfriend, he'd have to make it perfect; jinyoung deserved only the best! in saying that, how the hell was he going to make it perfect? jihoon was the type of lad to fumble over his words whenever Shit Got Serious™ , and this would most likely be one of those times. what if jinyoung laughed at him and he became too scared to ask the question? what if he messed up and asked the wrong thing? what if...it was too soon?

"ugh..." jihoon groaned to himself in pure agony, "i worry too much."

thinking over it again, jihoon realised the obvious. even if he did mess up or jinyoung laughed at him, the worst response he could get would be a "it's too soon" or something to that effect. he knew jinyoung felt the same about him and after before, he knew not to question that. fearing the worst would get him nowhere, surely.

maybe...now was the time.

"next time i see him..." jihoon mused to himself, "i should ask him." that was that.

the time had come for jihoon to finally ask jinyoung out; there was no backing out. for too long had he prolonged this, now was better than any time to pop the boyfriend question. he wanted nothing more than to be able to call jinyoung _his_  and truly mean it. that, and ~~after a good 20 chapters of pining~~ he liked to think they both deserved a blissful ending.

typing out a fumbled "can we meet?" text to jinyoung and receiving a quick affirmative, jihoon rushed to get ready.

everything was set in place.

"just you wait, bae jinyoung. i'm gonna make you mine!"

☆

"hey hyung!" jinyoung waved upon entering the café. funnily enough, he'd asked to meet at the exact same café he'd spoken to guanlin in after the naeun events. jinyoung didn't know that though (like hell was he gonna tell him anyways.)

"have you been waiting long?" the younger asked, sliding into the stool opposite him.

"not really..." jihoon shrugged before setting his eyes on the other boy, "i-...your hair?!"

unconsciously fiddling with his hair, jinyoung laughed, "yeah, it's back to black!"

sure, jihoon had seen the younger boy with ebony locks when they first met but something was different this time... much, much different. it was like the atmosphere around him had done an entire 180° from their first meeting. jinyoung used to exhibit quite a softer and perhaps more timid feeling before but now...there was nothing but confidence oozing from the boy.

the wonders bangs could do, he supposed.

"it looks good, like _hella_  good." jihoon commented, taking a sip of his signature strawberries and cream frappé.

"hella?" jinyoung repeated, "i'm glad it has the park jihoon seal of approval!"

"you should be, not just anyone gets the park jihoon seal of approval." he chided, playing along with the joke.

"what an honour..." jinyoung pretended to wipe his tears away, "i'll always cherish this moment, hyung."

a few more sips of their drinks later, and jihoon finally deemed it the right time to pop the question.

"so..." he started, getting the other boy's attention, "i actually called you here to ask you something."

"really?" intrigued, jinyoung put his hands up to rest them on his chin, "what's up?"

instead of asking, jihoon decided to take jinyoung's hands in his, silently asking for the younger boy's cooperation. it seemed to work because jinyoung stayed quiet, curiosity written on his features.

"y'know, ever since _that_  day...i can't get my mind off of you," he started, focused on the warmth of the younger boy's hands, "i'm so glad things are better between us now."

getting an understanding smile from jinyoung, he continued, "honestly, i'm just over the moon since i get to speak to you again. i missed you so much, youngie."

the nickname just slipped out; it wasn't something he'd called him before, though it didn't feel completely wrong to say. in fact, jinyoung's cheeks darkened when he said it, mumbling a small, "i missed you too."

"during those times, i would just think about being beside you again and having fun like we used to," he mused, trying to get back to the point, "now, i still think about being beside you...just not as your friend."

"oh..." he'd realised what jihoon was hinting at, god bless. still, the older boy wanted to say it out loud, the question on the tip of his tongue.

"for the longest time, i've thought about asking you this and now...i guess i'm making it a reality," a deep breath, "bae jinyoung, i think i'm in love with you.

would you do me the honour of becoming my boyfriend?"

when he lacked a response, jihoon finally saw it fit to look up at jinyoung again. the younger boy was thankfully smiling brighter than jihoon had ever witnessed; the boy could rival the sun with that smile if he wanted to. his twinkle in his eyes was nothing short of captivating. just the way jinyoung tightened his hold on jihoon's hands and his overjoyed, "yes, a million times yes hyung!" reminded him of what he'd realised all those months ago in the park.

bae jinyoung truly was the most beautiful human being he'd ever set his eyes on.

"w-wait... really?" he had to ask again.

"of course!" jinyoung grinned, "you already know how hard i fell for you, stupid hyung."

"oi, i'm still older than you!" he retorted, feigning irritation, "seriously, all you kids have no respect for me whatsoever."

the both of them argued until they left the café, with jihoon having an entire rant on how _the youth of today were too much for him_ (keep in mind, they're literally only a year apart in age) and jinyoung using his free hand to swat at jihoon's arm. he would've used both hands but it was impossible, seeing as the warmth from holding jihoon's hand was way too irresistible for him. jihoon certainly had no arguments about that.

"so..." jinyoung spoke up after jihoon's rant had died, "this is really happening, right?"

taking a look back and forth between their intermingled hands and jinyoung's alluring face, jihoon answered, "i guess it is... we're officially boyfriends."

"i guess we are." he hummed, before breaking out into an energetic, "hyung! let's go to the park!"

"wait, now?" his protests fell on deaf ears however, as jinyoung immediately started running in the direction of the park. refusing to let go of his boyfriend's hand, jihoon was dragged along.

the running was exhausting as hell and, to be fair, he probably wouldn't let the other boy live it down. never again.

the holding hands and "boyfriend" business though? jihoon could get used to that. he really could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another phanstarlight cliché makes an appearance: hand holding 
> 
> (thanks for reading this far again! i really appreciate it!!)


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ❝all he was certain of was that in that exact moment, staring at his boyfriend, was that bae jinyoung was an ethreal being, and truly the most precious person to him.
> 
> he could also say with certainty that he was happier than he'd ever been.❞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are! if there's any mistakes pls tell me, i wrote this on a 2 hour train to liverpool so theres bound to be a few here and there

☆

［we dem party bois (10) - 11:05pm.］

 **jihoon** : friends  
 **jihoon** : where u at

 **seongwoo** : eatin apple pie

 **jihoon** : at 11pm?

 **seongwoo** : ya, niels visitin his parents and hes kinda 75% of my impulse control

 **hyeop** : dude

 **changbin** : dude...

 **seongwoo** : :-)

 **jihoon** : oh btw i have an announcement!!!

 **mark** : i heard the word announcement!   
**mark** : what is it?

 **jihoon** : is everyone here? its important

 **hyeop** : im here and thats good enough ;)

 **daehwi** : he acts like we didn't forget to add him back to this chat for a good 2 months

 **mark** : @chan @jisung @daniel  
 **mark** : awaken

 **chan** : im here   
**chan** : im currently rushing an entire sociology thesis paper but!! im here

 **daniel** : HELLO!  
 **daniel** : ong bb PUT DOWN THE PIE

 **seongwoo** : lmao nah  
 **seongwoo** : jisung is probably asleep btw like the good child he is

 **jisung** : nah i'm awake  
 **jisung** : what's going on

 **jihoon** : i have an announcement!

 **daniel** : oooooh

 **hyeop** : go ahead

 **jihoon** : so  
 **jihoon** : me and jinyoung are _officially_ dating!

 **jisung** : oh???

 **hyeop** : REAL SHIT?

 **jihoon** : YA I ASKED HIM OUT EARLIER PROPERLY

 **seongwoo** : JIHOON YES MY BOI

 **woojin** : ngl ji i already thot u were together  
 **woojin** : CONGRATS THO BFFL

 **changbin** : congrats  
 **changbin** : Congratsssssss!!!!!!!!

 **jihoon** : why'd u send two

 **changbin** : second one was felix, he says hi

 **mark** : 1) HI freckled friend I MISS U  
 **mark** : 2) jihoon we're so happy for you! you and jinyoung deserve all the happiness honestly

 **daehwi** : well done hyung  
 **daehwi** : you'll be perfecto together   
**daehwi** : _we all saw this coming though_

 **jisung** : gg jihoon hyung  
 **jisung** : look after jinyoung well or i'll fight you  
 **jisung** : same goes for him

 **jihoon** : fellas,,,

 **seongwoo** : we're so proud of u jihoon  
 **seongwoo** : u got outta the pining stage finally  
 **seongwoo** : (legit tho, u deserve to be happy n i can easily tell jinyoung is th one that makes u happiest)

 **daniel** : i gotta go n sleep but i just wanna say this is such a lovely announcement   
**daniel** : we all hope u and jinyoung remain the happiest n together for as long as u can be

 **jihoon** : FELLAS,,,  
 **jihoon** : youre all too sweet wtf

 **chan** : were all just happy fr u!

 **changbin** : EXACTLY you deserve a cute boi

 **jihoon** : AAAA  
 **jihoon** : ima go cuddle with jinyoung now

 **daehwi** : :D ay

 **jisung** : have fun hyung!

 **woojin** : proud of u ji   
**woojin** : say hi tya man for us

 **changbin** : We say Hi to Jinyoung!! ~ Felix :3

 **jihoon** : i will <3  
 **jihoon** : thx y'all, seriously  
 **jihoon** : idk where id be these past few weeks without your help

 **daniel** : aw np!

 **hyeop** : dont thank us you imbecile  
 **hyeop** : its what friends are for!

 **mark** : :)

 **jihoon** : ty guys <3

 **seongwoo** : np!  
 **seongwoo** : now if u excuse me  
 **seongwoo** : i got 20 more apple pies to devour

 **daniel** : ONG NO

 **woojin** : man ur gonna die

 **jisung** : eat them all hyung.  
 **jisung** : every  
 **jisung** : last  
 **jisung** : one.

 **chan** : can we play my mixtape zero at his funeral

 **mark** : BRO yes get that clout

 **daniel** : MY BF IS EATIN HIMSELF TO DEATH HAVE SYMPATHY BRATS

 **jihoon** : b-bye??

☆

"are your friends okay with _us?"_ jinyoung asked upon jihoon's return, making room for him on the elder's sofa. they'd been coupled up together for a good 3 hours now, so it wasn't exactly in the best condition.

"yeah, they're really happy for us!" he grinned, plopping down next to his boyfriend, "they all say hi by the way, including changbin's boyfriend."

humming to himself in content, jinyoung gleamed, "tell them all i said hi as well!"

"i would, but they're all sorta busy planning seongwoo hyung's funeral." he shrugged, pulling jinyoung closer to him.

the duo had tried to watch an italian movie called "i am love", though that idea had died as soon as jinyoung complained about the subtitles being too small. rather than adhere to cliché foreign movies to stay romantic, jihoon had switched over to a rerun of pointless celebrities. they managed to settle to that, with jinyoung burying his head in the crook of jihoon's neck, their bodies both intermingled lazily on the couch.

it was just like old times, just with a romantic spin on it. somehow, jihoon felt more comforted by that.

for the past weeks, he'd been so caught up in his head over his "hopeless" crush on jinyoung, that he hadn't ever given it thoughr that the younger boy felt the same. both of them had been pining, dead set on thoughts telling them neither had a chance. now though... here they were.

so many misunderstandings and sordid miscommunications had led to hurt and tragedy between them, but those times were over. jihoon could now walk through the park without living in fear of seeing the younger boy (dramatic, i know), nor did he have to spend endless nights metaphorically beating himself up for everything. his moody, and honestly lowkey pathetic period of moping was long gone. he was finally happy again; that, and bae jinyoung was now officially his boyfriend.

keyword: **_his._**

chancing a glance at said boy, jinyoung was engrossed in the TV show, clapping enthusiastically whenever a couple got a low number and complaining whenever they received an 100. throughout all of this, he rested his head on jihoon's chest, mindlessly playing with his hair during the breaks.

jihoon wasn't sure of many things: he had no idea what the answers to the pointless questions were, yet alone any pointless answers. he didn't know whether fortnite or PUBG were better games, or why his friends argued about it everyday. he didn't know where his future would take him or if he would always be the way he is now. he couldn't answer any of those questions.

all he was certain of was that in that exact moment, staring at his boyfriend, was that bae jinyoung was an ethreal being, and truly the most precious person to him.

he could also say with certainty that he was happier than he'd ever been, threading his hands in jinyoung's ebony locks and immersing himself in the TV viewing.

☆

「2 years later」

two years on, things had changed significantly.

obviously, jinyoung wasn't a high schooler anymore. the boy had gone off to study dance alongside jihoon at their college. he was extremely talented, much to jihoon's surprise, and took most compliments in his stride. he always made it a point to meet up with his boyfriend after class, walking home together more often than not.

the couple had broken up briefly sometime before the 1 year mark. neither could quite remember the exact reasons, though they'd had a pretty terrible argument about something. for two months, they steered clear of each other until their friends practically forced them into a room to talk things out. since then, they'd been inseparable. they were one of the many infamous campus couples.

their relationship was at its peak and, like many other of their friend, they'd decided to take an even bigger leap _together._

they moved in together.

their apartment was a comfortable size, situated closer to jinyoung's college than to jihoon's uni. jinyoung's parents had been kind enough to help out with the payments, insisting their son and 'future son-in-law' deserved to be happy. whilst jihoon initially refused, the bae family were relentless...to say the least. it had all been good so far anyway, ignoring the multiple times jinyoung had almost burnt down the house trying to copy gordon ramsey.

their friends' lives had changed massively too: woojin and mark were both DJs in, arguably, one of the most popular nightclubs in their area, changbin and felix were preparing to travel the world alongside their own little friendship group (mark had told them they were like "a bunch of strays" and since then, they'd nicknamed themselves stray kids), chan was studying dance and design at a nearby university, whilst hyeop moved to study music tech and theatre on the other side of the country. as for daehwi and jisung, they were both thriving in college with jinyoung. they were both aceing their studies (as expected) and already discussing their futures. jihoon would've questioned the fact they were planning for futures _together_  but after seeing daehwi's arm slink smoothly around jisung's waist, he no longer felt inclined to ask.

"jihoonie, i'm home!" the younger boy's shout could be heard throughout their shared apartment, "i bought presents for the birthday boy!"

sighing light-heartedly to himself, jihoon stepped out into the living room to greet his boyfriend, "welcome back! you didn't have to get me anything youngie."

"you really think / _i_  would pass up an opportunity to buy presents?" jinyoung deadpanned, before chuckling at the memories they had long since buried, "anyway, i'm not taking no for an answer. give me a second to settle and then i'll let you open it."

jihoon snorted, waving his boyfriend away to change. to be honest, he hadn't thought much of his birthday. it was just another day in the life of good old park jihoon, the exception being that everyone had to be nice to him for the day. he spared a glance to the living room table; it was littered with the many birthday cards he'd gotten at uni that day and the chocolate cake minhyun, guanlin and seonho had made him (the taste was impeccable, though the fact the word "birth" was all that was on the cake unsettled him... immensely.)

the amount of gifts he'd received had shocked him too. yerim had sent him chocolates in the mail, with a little note forgiving him for almost murdering her back then. changbin gave him a cute snowglobe from Greenland; the true gift, really, was seeing the poor guy go red when jihoon thanked him for it. even jiwoo and hyunjin had gone out of their way to seek out jihoon at uni just to give them his presents of money, new dance gear and a dab courtesy of jiwoo.

"okay, i'm ready to give you my gift," jinyoung strode back into the room, plopping himself down on the sofa. jihoon followed suit. the gift in question was bigger than he'd anticipated, though he presumed it was a box of some kind. he hadn't asked for anything specific, nor did he drop any hints throughout the year of what he wanted; truly, jihoon had no idea what jinyoung had given him.

"d-do i just open it?" the other boy nodded excitedly, "i'm so fucking terrified right now."

"don't be, it's a gift from _my heart._ "

jihoon cringed, but was still curious. taking a deep breath, he finally pulled off the wrapping paper to reveal...

"youngie you _brat,_ what the fuck!" with the exclamation, jinyoung began laughing wildly to himself. this was the proudest moment in his life, bless. as for jihoon, he was teetering between a mental crisis and a break-up. neither sounded appealing, sure, but seriously what would _you_  do in his case? bae jinyoung, the love of his life, the apple of his eye, had gone ahead and bought him what?

he'd bought him a bathe and brew set.

"it's s-sentimental!" jinyoung argued, wheezing in between words, "doesn't it bring back memories of when we first met?"

"i'm starting to see why naeun ditched you." he stated, making jinyoung clutch at his heart theatrically. naeun was a memory they could both look back and laugh about now, thankfully.

"don't say that, it's a quality gift!" wrapping his arm around jihoon's shoulder, he grinned, "c'mon jihoonie, you'll love it!"

there were many things jihoon loved: sleep, dancing, seeing woojin fail, kim taehyung, his life at the moment and, of course, bae jinyoung. notice how the bathe and brew set is not on that list!

"i can't believe you would do this to me," he pouted, sinking into jinyoung's hold nonetheless, "i want the receipt."

turning around to face his boyfriend, jinyoung winked at him before proudly proclaiming what jihoon already knew.

"with love jihoonie, there's no returns!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's the end! thank you so much for following this silly fic, i'm extremely grateful. to the ones who comment regularly, the ones who leave kudos and the ones who take the time outta their day to read this! 
> 
> my twt: @illayeons
> 
> ps. seongwoo managed 11 apple pies that night before passing out.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know if i'll be sticking to a specific posting time for this, especially since i haven't finished it in advance for once 
> 
> i'll try my hardest tho, so thanks for reading!


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